Seventeen

11 - Time

A few months ago, while I was about to ride a bus that goes highway to hell, I was met with the most beautiful face of a boy. Well, I'm pretty sure I'm attracted to girls, but he was too pretty to ignore.

He had his own imperfections, which I originally thought was about his heroin addiction, or maybe he had a thing about having one-night stands every night. He seemed like your typical bad boy who wears a plain white shirt under a dark-patterned flannel, with jeans that are literally skin tight to accentuate the black high cut chucks on his feet.

But no, he's... He's clean. He's not like me. I'm not like him. We're two different people living two different lives in two different worlds, but somehow, we crossed paths.

He asked for my fucking number, and fuck, I gave it to him.

While I was literally snorting grams of glitter in the school bathroom, he had shot me a text saying that he'd like to meet up for some coffee. Not that I hate coffee, or going out with strangers to Starbucks, which is one of my least favorite places to go to, but when it comes to my social anxiety and ADHD, caffeine isn't really the best thing to consume five times a day.

It was my sixth when I was sat across him at that holy place, my local Starbucks, where I have never even stepped foot in, but I was there, and for some reason, I was calm. We talked, for quite a while actually, until we had to part ways because of the time.

Days of talking became months. And I'm pretty fucking confident to tell you all, that this boy, is now my best friend. I've never had luck with boys in general, well, not only because I don't date boys, but I also don't have the best history with boys, after dumping my dick of an ex-boyfriend for hitting me because of his daddy issues. I mean, yeah sure, I've got daddy issues too, but I don't just hit people when I feel like it. I'm not a fighter.

With this boy, it's like almost everything feels right. When everything isn't really perfect with the casual friend arguments every now and then, I'd always come back two hours later with an apology, which is something that I rarely do with the ego stuck inside my Leo head. And whenever I can't figure things out, or the other way around, he'll take each step with me.

After figuring out that this friendship of ours was something that was very real, I started to feel more attached to the idea of having to say I love you to this person. Well, in a friend kind of way. I slipped it out once, in the most lowkey way possible, though he didn't say it back, the hug that he gave me was enough.

Of course I was hoping, but not too much. If anyone could understand the struggles of opening up to someone, I would. It took me a while to realize that transparency is important in relationships. Your family and friends, they can be vulnerable in front of you, and you can do the same without being so scared. I wasn't scared of opening up to him at all. There, I said it, I love him. He sees me without my guard up and he accepts me. The comfort that I've been searching for, from someone different and special, has finally arrived in my life. He's my angel.

The night was calm. I had decided to invite him over whilst my parents were out for the night. Yeah, I know that's against the rules. A boy and a girl spending the night together? Not in this Christian household. But let's be real, he's too much of an angel to do anything that would make me regret things. And fuck, if I had to thank God everyday for all of the blessings that I have in my life, I'd never get tired of thanking Him for giving me this boy.

He laid beside me underneath the pink flamingo lights that I had hung above my bed, his hand inches beside mine as he slowly reached out to hold it. I accepted. The comforting music of Novo Amor was echoing inside my bedroom, but I heard the slow beating of my heart, with each second that passed, I knew I was at peace. It's nice to have a friend.

And with everything that I had felt in that very moment, he said the three words that I never thought would come at all. "I love you."

A smile crept up on my face, and I knew with the sound of his voice, that he meant it.

"I know."

– "Time", October 26