Seventeen

2 - Healing

Healing is never easy. I found this fact to be proven at a young age when my parents would always rush me to the emergency room. Of course I was never meant to be the perfect kid, nobody ever is, but I figured it out at a young age... There were a lot of things wrong with me.

I never, ever fit in. School was just an excuse for me to leave the house and come back home in 2 hours time to recharge. It was draining to go out, it always has been, physically and mentally, but the only difference between 3 year old me and 17 year old me is the fact that only one of them didn't give a fuck about how other people saw them. 3 year old me would come home with loads of stories about a friend named Joaquin who pushed her off the swing, but she'd say that she's okay, as long as she had the time to be there on the playground with someone who actually wanted to spend time with her. 17 year old me would come home to rush upstairs, retreating back to her bedroom to call it a day, barely uttering a word to her parents who would always ask how school was. Both of them needed a recharge but only one of them really felt content. 17 year old me used the word "tired" with a whole other meaning. 17 year old me would be "tired" even if she didn't even leave the comfort of her bed all day. 17 year old me is tired.

I get it. Healing isn't easy, some parts of it may take longer than expected, some parts may get damaged again in the process, and that's okay. It's going to be okay. As long as I can wait until 5:30 in the morning to watch the sunrise to help me fall back to sleep, I know that I'll be okay. Some parts may be rain, but I know there will be sunrise. There will always be sunrise in there. And with that, I'm content.

- "Healing", August 28