Seventeen

9 - New

While everything else in my life moved too fast, or too slow, I felt the eight seconds of pure nothingness as I tried to shut my eyes and trap my lungs closed. Those eight seconds of hearing nothing, not even the world, or the voices inside of my head, and I couldn't hear anything but the steady rhythm of my heart. Not too fast, not too slow, just right in the moment. It got me confused.

At the ninth second, I opened my eyes and exhaled.

I often catch myself daydreaming, imagining myself somewhere else; To live in a different world, a different universe where I can feel so much stronger. The rhythm of my heart is following the stream of adrenaline, rushing through my veins, as I bite back a smile. I am strong. The gushing wind doesn't scare me anymore. I am strong.

But today, it was different. I found myself sitting behind a new girl from my English class. Short black hair, brown eyes, slightly tan skin, and the most captivating smile. She was laughing in my direction before the teacher had called our attention to keep quiet. She faced her notes again as I felt my cheeks heat up in embarrassment. My stomach was in all of the right places, and before I knew it, I mumbled underneath my breath. "Damn."

She chuckled lightly before shaking her head.

I've had a few good moments with her, actually. One of them being a night of us eating caramel popcorn inside the girl's dorm in a retreat house, silently laughing while knowing the the headmaster was asleep a few feet away from us. It was a forbidden act, but we were able to get away with it. I sat beside her on the way home and did the same thing. And I'd do it a million more times if I had the chance.

I really, really like her.

For once, everything was finally real again. I wasn't imagining things anymore. I was with her, I was having a good time, and it felt really, really good. The butterflies in my stomach were, in fact, very real, and I was captivated by this person's name, that I'd let it run inside my head for a million more miles if I could. She's so damn wonderful.

At the ninth second, everything was new. And for once, the rhythm didn't confuse me anymore.

- "New", October 21