Five Feet Closer- Sequel to Five Feet Apart-

WILL

I told my mom I was going for a walk. 

That was partly true. 

I had texted Jason, of all people, saying I needed help. 

That was true. 

My past was coming back to haunt me. And I couldn't stop it. 

I remember crying. Not me crying, my mom. I remember my mom crying when she thought no one was awake. 

Well, I was. 

I remember 6 year old me tip toeing down the steps, to see my mom sobbing on the floor. I wanted to help. I wondered what was wrong. When I asked, she told me it was because she had just cut up onions. At 1 in the morning. 

I went to bed without another word.

And now, here we are. About to get another 40,000 dollar bill for my lungs. 

My mom has fought for me all my life. All I did was complain, argue, or resist. Now I have new lungs. For what? Five more years? It was pointless. I caused my mom years of suffering and bills that I could never take back. 

Maybe if I never was born, my parents would still be together. No fighting. No shattered glasses. No broken hearts. 

Five more years before I die. And the suffering starts all over again. For everyone. 

I wanted to scream. I wanted to curse the world. I wanted to say 'fuck it all'. 

But I cant. Not yet.