Avengers | BTS Crackfic (𝗆𝗎𝗅𝗍𝗂)

1.2 seokjinning

seokjin landed on the street outside their apartment with a thud. his hammer gripped tightly in his hand. jin felt anger rushing through him, he felt like cutting a bitch right then, right there.

he couldn't believe it.

"it's thanos"

lucas's's's voice rang through his mind.

but how could it be?

seokjin remembered his father used to tell him stories about thanos when he was a kid- well, a very handsome kid. kim seokjin was beautiful when he came out of the womb.

"damn right i was", jin replied to the author, flicking his hair.

in fact, when he was born, his mother almost had a heart attack and his dad had cried tears of jealousy when they had laid eyes on his beauty for the first time. Mrs.Kim was so taken aback, she had to give up her title of Miss Korea, because she knew, along with everyone else in the world, that absolutely no one is more beautiful than kim seokjin.

"SAY IT LOUDER FOR THE PEOPLE IN THE BACK!" a boy yelled from behind seokjin.

seokjin smirked into the camera, blowing a kiss, "i have fans everywhere i go, so it never gets too hot for me. but then again, I'm the only one hot around here-"

"NO, YOU DON'T GET IT", the boy yelled again, interrupting seokjin, "SAY IT LOUDER! I GENUINELY CANNOT HEAR WHAT YOU'RE SAYING RIGHT NOW!"

seokjin stomped to the little boy.

"uh huh, listen boy", he glared at him, "what's your name?"

"I'm soobin", the boy in the yellow hoodie smiled innocently, showcasing his dimples.

"ok soobin", he poked his finger at soobin's chest, "i will not hesitate to beat your flat cheeks with a wooden spoon right now if you don't shut the fuck up. that loud enough for you?"

another boy from behind soobin emerged immediately and spoke, "hey, what are you being so loud for?"

"why didn't you ask your mom that last night when she was with me?" seokjin deadpanned, soobin gasping in response.

the other boy just raised his brow in confusion, "you've met my mom? how do you know her? wait oh my gawwdd, are you uncle charlie puss?"

soobin facepalmed himself, "no, kai, that's not what he meant-"

"who the fuck names their kid 'charlie puss'?" seokjin scoffed.

heuningkai, still not understanding, spoke out, "why don't you go ask your mom?"

"biTCH THE FUCK YOU SAY?!?" jin lunged at the younger, grabbing him by the collar.

soobin stepped in immediately, separating the two, "Y'ALL THIS AIN'T IT! STOP RIGHT NOW!!"

kai hid behind soobin's tall figure quickly, "i don't even know what i did!"

"you existed!" seokjin tried to throw a punch at him but soobin intervened quickly, him getting punched in the face instead.

seokjin backed up, his eyes widening, "ANNA OOP-"

and then he yeeted.

-

when seokjin finally arrived to the doorstep of his apartment, he was panting. breathless from all the naruto-running, he quickly pressed the doorbell, hoping one of the dumbasses was home.

silence.

huh, that's weird.

jin pressed the doorbell again, but there was no ding dong.

utterly confused, he looked around the outside of the apartment. mayhaps a key under the mat? but there was nothing.

his eyes shifted to a paper hung on the wall, right next to the door. but of course, his blind ass couldn't spot that sooner, he just had to make me go through the trouble of writing every extra single-

"hEY STOB IT", jin pointed towards the camera.

authornim rolled her eyes at the overused joke, that she just used herself. anyways-

seokjin grabbed the paper in his hands as he read, "DOORBELL'S FUCKED. YELL DING DONG REALLY LOUD"

jin scoffed. he knew it was yoongi who had written that. just a couple of days ago, jimin had made yoongi a bet that if he could get jungkook beaten up by seokjin over the night, he'd hand over yoongi a clean $20 bill. so yoongi threw away all of jungkook's banana milk cartons. and when jungkook found out about his huge loss, he had to immediately go grab banana milk from the store at 3am.

when he returned, jungkook had found the exact same paper and being the coconut headass that he is, he shouted DING DONG at the top of his lungs at 3 fucking a.m. , standing outside the apartment.

needless to say, jin had beaten the younger with a spatula that night, imprinting a grilled pattern on his ass. and of course, yoongi won the $20 and had to buy himself a coffin to sleep peacefully in. permanently.

snapping back to reality, seokjin held the paper in his hands, disappointed. what did yoongi think? that he was going to fall for it? pfft. yes, jin was dumb, but he wasn't junglebook.

so jin decided to yell KNOCK KNOCK out loud, instead.

"KNOCK KNOCK!" jin shouted, waiting for a response.

he immediately heard some shuffling of footsteps from inside and then a loud shattering sound. maybe broken glass. that's definitely the tall crab-loving beautiful dimpled motherfucker, jin thot.

"WHO'S THERE?" namjoon yelled back, still not opening the door OR looking through the glass hole for some reason absolutely unknown to the authornim.

"i am"

"i am WHO?"

"i am YOU. NOW STAN STRAY KIDS, BITCH!!" jin yelled.

authornim shed a tear, applauding him.

namjoon quickly opened the door, confused, "hyung, what are you doing here?"

jin scoffed, "promoting my favs of cou-"

"no, i mean", namjoon massaged his forehead in frustration, "what are you doing here? shouldn't you be at the mall? where are the guys?"

"oh", jin's eyes lit up in realisation, "yeah i kinda dipped", he said scratching the back of his neck, nervously.

namjoon's eyes widened, "what? dipped? as in, you-"

"yeah, it means i bailed", jin interrupted him, "but only because i have something very important to tell you."

namjoon raised his brow at him.

jin sighed, "i have good news and bad news. what do you wanna hear first?"

namjoon nodded thoughtfully, "hm okay, hit me with the good news first"

"i met loki today"

"wHAT??" namjoon's eyes popped out of their sockets, "HOW IS THAT GOOD NEWS YOU BEAUTIFUL DUMBASS?! HE'S EVIL FOR FUCK'S SAKE"

"calm your namtiddies, joon", seokjin rolled his eyes, "he's still my brother, he wouldn't dare harm any of us. plus, he's looks uglier than ever, so that's a bonus point."

namjoon closed his eyes and took a deep breath, attempting to calm himself. "okay. what's the bad news then?"

"thanos is back"

"eye-" and with that his body fell down on the ground with a thud.

》_________________《

guys :( jungkook cut his hair :(

i want to kermit. i have lost my non-existent will to live. and I'm clearly running out of crack. to snort. maybe some baking powder will do?

and as i always say, cHecK oUt mY otHeR wOrKs oR peRiSH !!!