Falling Into Place (Jaime Preciado) (*PTV* Fanfic 1)

53. "she will never love you"

*JAIME*

My face was hot. Warm. Why? Wasn't I in a dark enclosed bunk? I opened up my eyes only for them to be met by the harsh sunlight coming though the window that was blinding me to the point where I wanted to punch it. I tried to roll over to sit up but yelped in searing pain. I held my shoulder in my hand, grinding my teeth, as soon as I felt the bandage I cursed to myself. What the hell happened?

I drug my hand down my arm, feeling the ace bandage material covering it down to my elbow. I cursed at myself, feeling my mind bring back all the memories from that night I was black-out drunk...

~flashback~

worthless

she never loved you

she will never love you

stop trying

you idiotic

hopeless

stupid

person.

1, 2, 3 , 4... 20

I lost track of how many lines I had made, I drank myself to this point, letting dark thoughts envelope my mind, swirling around me like the demons I cant get rid of. The sound of someone rustling about in the front room broke me out of my state of thinking,

"vic?" I called out, watching the dark droplets run their course down my arm and into the sink. I started getting nervous, I had no feeling, I couldn't feel my legs, I couldn't feel anything but fright and numbness.

"Vic.." I felt my legs give out and crashed to the ground, everything going dark before me. Someone ripped open the door, and immediately picked me up the best they could and set me on the counter. They then started to take off my shirt, pausing for a moment to I guess assess the damage I was capable of. It was Vic I knew it.. no one would be like this... this calm... except for him.

"Vic.." I said again fearing for my life right now..

"shh.. its alright i'm here.." he said, I was waiting for the yelling but it never came. I sat there for a few minutes as my arm was taken care of, how could I have been so stupid? I tried to open my eyes but they were too heavy to open, not to mention the searing pain of the antiseptic he was using.

"Vic, Im so sorry" I said again as cleaned and bandaged the stupid lines that I had inflicted upon myself. He mumbled something, stinging my wounds and tightly bandaged them. I had no heart to look at his face right now.. I just couldn't.

I heard him sigh then put my other arm around his shoulders and led me to somewhere else, but my body gave out on me as I fell to the couch, on top of Vic, all I could think about was her, all I could smell was the way she did. He tried to move away but I held tighter "No, Vic Please. Don't leave me like she did. Please." I whimpered holding him close to me as some sort of security blanket.

"just... just promise me you'll stop this cutting nonsense." he spoke softly. Stroking my hair just like SHE did in the past to calm my nerves. She was the only one successful at it, but Vic was doing the trick right now...

"okay." i nodded feeling the darkness fall over me again, "i'm still in love her Vic..." I managed out before I blacked completely out.

~end flashback~

and now i'm here cursing to myself of how I could be so stupid. So freaking stupid. I rolled over on my good shoulder, pushing myself up and opened my eyes fully, I was inside some sort of house, but where? I looked around seeing records and old movie posters around the, or what I assumed to be, bedroom? no.. i'm on a couch.. Living room.

I rubbed my face with the palms of my hands, grunting softly and pushed the fluffy comforter thing off of me. I needed to talk to Vic.

I followed the sound of voices coming from around the corner, following them to a little kitchen that was painted a dark grungy red with old cast-iron fancy crosses dotting the walls everywhere. I looked over at the guys, Casey and Mike were sitting at the table, while Tony and Vic were talking amongst the group. I shook my head, and turned away walking back into the room where I had woken up, I could't face them.. especially Vic. He'd probably send me to a mental hospital or something, considering the damage done to my arm.

"Hime." Vic called, hearing his footsteps coming after me. I pulled open my suitcase and dragged out my Rebel8 crew-neck and threw myself back on the couch and dropped my face in my hands again. Vic sighed, continuing to sit across from me on the other couch that faced my 'bed'.

"Im so sorry Vic.. to do that to you last night.." I sighed, not really caring about the fact im in a house I have no recollection of coming into, or what city i'm in.

Vic nodded. "it's alright.. but Hime, it was 3 days ago..."

three days? "what about Copenhagen?" I asked, maybe Aaron or Matt filled in for me.

"Tally and uh.. Laney, got us off the tour until the London date tomorrow." Vic said, saying her name more quietly. Why would they do that? I scratched my arm that felt freshly re-bandaged.

oh. right.

"i'm sorry you had to find me like that Vic.. I just couldn't handle it.. I had stopped, and.. I . uh--"

"Jaime- i wasn't the one who found you..." Vic cut me off mid-sentence, quiet enough for me to hear. Wait.. what? He wasn't? Then who was?

"Who did then?"

"She did."

She who? I opened my mouth to ask him but before I could say anything, the front door crashes open "PARTY TIME YALL." Tino and Phil yelled though the house, followed by a wave of people, all throwing their bags to the side in a huge pile.

I got up and headed to find a bathroom, but people came up to me and were giving me bro-hugs and asking if I was alright, making a basic wall around me. I just nodded and kept my eyes anywhere but where they were standing. I caught Laney's gaze as she was walking gingerly from the door, her eyes never leaving mine. But in the next second, she turned her head and ran up the stairs in a dead sprint.

It clicked.

This was her house.

She was the SHE that found me that night on the bus.

Damn it damn it

DAMN IT.

People started to swarm around me, asking me if I was alright and Joking about other things with Mike and Tony. I looked back at Vic who just nodded as if he was answering my silent question asking if it was truly her who found me like that.

I tore away from the conversation Oli and Vegan were having around me and took off in a sprint up the stairs, dodging Jordan and Austin on the way up.

As I was looking around the hallway, looking for any sign of her, I glanced at the picture-dotted walls surrounding me.

All along them were pictures of Laney and Dane when they were younger. Chris, Paul, Sam and John, the other 4 of Walker's Town were in there too. A few of the pictures of Laney in her teens, next to 3 other boys who looks no more than 8 to 10, but could be related to her since they looked exactly like her and Dane.

One thing was for sure though... I was in none of them.

I heard a door slam closed behind me. I whipped around, partly out of curiosity and partly out of my jumpyness. I found the door, bot only because and I saw the light flick on from the crack under the door. I knocked like the door was rice paper and would break from the slightest shake, waiting for a response.

"go away." I heard her say softly, her usually bright voice was raspy like she had been crying.

Because of me.

I should just go..

No. I'm not going to walk away now.

I opened the door slowly despite her plea and headed in, closing the door behind me quietly as quietly as I possibly could "Can we talk?" I managed out with my voice sounding strong. The complete opposite of what I was feeling right now.