Falling Into Place (Jaime Preciado) (*PTV* Fanfic 1)

55. "But..."

*Jaime*

"Can we talk?" I asked, feeling way stronger than I was feeling, I felt like I could just topple over and die right there. But if I wanted to fox this than I would have to do something.

I waited for her to reply, but it never came. I sighed, keeping the door open incase she was going to throw something at me, making a quick get away for me.

She finally looked up from her pillow to look at me, obviously not expecting it to be me there, probably Jordan or Austin were more likely candidates...
She sat up and just simply nodded, moving over on her bed to lean up against the backboard. She patted the spot next to her watching me.
I hesitated. Of course I did. My mind was telling me to turn and run away and never look back but my heart was saying the complete opposite. I finally made my feet work, going over to the bed and sat down quietly, not able to do anything but wring my hands together in nervousness... How am I supposed to do this?

"Well, what did you want to talk about?" The sharpness and harsh tone of her voice stabbed me in my heart, I held my face go cold and my hands starting to shake, God fuck.

I stayed silent, losing every word I had intentions to speak with every passing moment.

"Well?" She stabbed out.

My heart stopped again, I finally looked up from my mindless stare, seeing a guitar hanging on the wall. I recognized it as one of Danes. The I got a perfect idea. When you can't say what you're feeling, sing it. I looked over to her, blinking quickly to get rid of that damn tear hanging on to my eye.

"Ca-can I play you a song I-I wrote?" My voice cracking and catching with every syllable I managed to get out.
Smooth Jaime, smooth.

She stared at me for a moment but nodded without a word, motioning to the old acoustic on the wall I was eyeing. I nodded, quietly getting off and picked it up off the wall. I sat back on the foot of her bed, quickly tuning it then started to play out the melody I wrote about a year ago.

All though the song I was breaking more and more, but all my words were coming out strong and with meaning, I just hope she was getting the message, she tore me to pieces when she left.
I know we were only together for less than 2 months but honestly, when you fall for someone you love, you fall hard and fast. They become your whole world no matter how long you have known each other.

" I wish that I could wake up with Amnesia, and forget about the stupid little things, like the way it felt to fall asleep next to you, and the memories I never can escape... Cause I'm not fine at all... No I'm really not fine at all. Tell me this is just a dream, cause I'm really not fine at all..."

I finished out the lyrics, all the memories from that night coming back and swirling my emotions around the the point where I couldn't hold them in any longer. I set the guitar down against the nightstand, not even blathering to look up at Laney. I didn't even stop the tears coming down from my eyes this time, letting them take home on my arm as they fell freely.

This was no use... I knew it. I pushed myself up off the bed but before I could stand up, she scooted close to me and hugged me tight. Honestly I was surprised by this, but I didn't take it for granted as I hugged her tightly to my body, letting a few sobs escape my body that caused me to soak her sweatshirt with tears.

It felt like an eternity passed, but some of the pain was gone from my heart. We're we finally on the right track?
I finally lifted my head and looked at her face, taking her arms from around my neck and held her hands in mine, noticing how perfectly we fit together right here and now.

Her slight smile disappeared as she started shaking, pulling her hands away from me and started to walk hastily to the door.

No. No. No.

"laney Wait," I called, managing to step in front of her and closed the slightly open door, holding her shoulder with my hands. I'm done with these games we play, it was pointless shit and we won't get anywhere if we don't do anything. I broke again.

"laney please... I can't do this anymore... I can't do a my of this." I was getting choked on my own words again. Fuck. Come on Jaime! Pull it together. "Don't leave again... Please..." I didn't bother wiping away my tear streaks from my cheeks, let it go.
Well, here goes nothing... " those dreams... They haunt me like the fucking plague, no matter how many times I tried to move on... To accept you weren't coming back t me... I couldn't. I became angry with myself. Angry at the world. Fans would ask me why I wasn't happy anymore, but all i would do was force a smile and shrug because telling them the real reason would just make me break down even more. You took something away from me when you left... " I swallowed the catch in my throat, letting a few more tears flow down my cheeks. "You took the better half of me with you... I know I'm not making sense.. Or at least I feel like I'm not making sense right now, but... Wh-what I w-want to say is..." I cupper her face with my hands, running my thumbs over the wet lines appearing over one another. "I'm... I'm sorry for being a dumb fucking idiot. "

She's just staring at me. What do I do? I knew I shouldn't have come up here, she obviously doesn't feel the same way I do. I stared her in the eyes longer, feeling the urge to kiss her become more and more apparent in my own mind as I inched towards her face, slowly because I didn't want to scare her away.

"What are we doing Jaime?" Her voice broke the silence in a low whisper but sounding louder than ever over the pounding of my heart. "This was all my fault. None of this would have happened if I didn't run that night" and none of this would have happened if I stayed on that plane to stay with you until you came home... "jaime I am more sorry than you could ever imagine..." She said not even blinking as she started right through my soul. "For everything..."

I felt my heart pick up speed, a lodger smile rounding out the corners of my mouth,

"But..."

My heart stopped and the smile disappeared as that word came out of her mouth.

Here it comes..

It was happenings again...

give up Jaime.

Give her the fuck up.