Jae's lonely life seems stable and dull until he finds out his son has run away from his boyfriend to fulfill some mysterious plan that might break two people meant to be or bring two back together.
"Drink it down!" Lucas slammed a water glass and two pills on the table in the living room.
It was the third night after his meeting with Taeyong, he hasn't seen Taeyong nor Gina since, telling both he had caught a cold, staying at home. His panic attacks coming in waves, deeper and stronger than ever, he had given Lucas and Jungwoo two sleepless nights, when he was screaming in agony begging them to call an ambulance to prevent him from dying. Lucas was mad, he was fed up, Renjun could see it.
"At least call your therapist!" said Lucas seriously.
"I can't," Renjun couldn't imagine what the man would tell about all he had done lately, probably convince him to abandon the plan, to go back to Jaemin immediately. A wave of pain opened so he grabbed the pills drinking them down quickly. He fished Dalli from underneath the blanket cuddling into her.
"Jungwoo has his own trouble, it's way more than enough for him! Can you imagine how worried he is about you!" asked Lucas raising his voice.
"So move out! shouted Renjun.
"Renjun have you lost the rests of you sanity! Taeyong isn't worth it, no one is worth it! Let him rot here with this granddad his choice! Go back to Jaemin, be the happy Renjun again!" begged Lucas.
"Taeyong might not be worth it but Jae is! Jae is worth to be happy again," said Renjun staring at Lucas.
"They're both adults, let them handle it! It's Taeyong's freaking business to go back to Jae and beg for forgiveness, if he ever gets one what I doubt!" Lucas clenched his fists. "And Jae will never approve what you're doing here, Jaemin will never accept what you did to him! They both love you like lunatics, can't you see it!"
"It's not helping when you're saying it, it's not helping at all! It hurts even more ok, as I miss him enough! You don't have to remind me how much he cares for me, as it's even... even harder..." Renjun grabbed a pillow, he saw Jungwoo, his face ghostly pale when he fell into the room.
"Is Renjun dying again?" asked Jungwoo watching him with scared eyes.
"Oh yes, he's in agony," said Lucas turning from Renjun walking out wrapping Jungwoo in his arms whispering calming words into his ear.
"I'm fine Jungwoo, really fine," whispered Renjun breathing in sharply.
He grabbed his blanket, phone, Dalli, he fount his trainers and jacket walking out into the night down the meadow to the beach. The hammock chair was still there exposed to the chilly wind when he sat down wrapping himself up in the blanket pressing his cheek to Dalli's small body, his tears dripping into his favorite sheep. How many has she carried, there was definitely a whole ocean buried in her fur by now.
"I love you Dalli, always remember it," whispered Renjun kissing her belly.
Yes Dalli was the most important as she was the first gift from Jae, and Jae was the most important because he had found him, rescued him, wrapped him up in his arms and carried him away from the bad people. He missed Jae so much, whenever Jae was calling he was saying he's ok, fine, on vocation with friends, but after that misshapen afternoon with Gian and Taeyong Jae had called again asking why he had broken up with Jaemin.
Renjun said he needs his space, he said he has fallen in love with a girl, yes lying to Jae was way harder than lying to Taeyong, but he knew if he had been honest Jae would have told Jaemin, and knowing Jaemin, he would catch the next plane here to win him back and him...
He couldn't...
Even though...
Jaemin was as important as Jae and Dalli...
The most important.
Renjun imagined him coming here, storming the house, telling him off for being stupid then wrapping his strong arms around him. He could remember Jaemin with every cell in his body, his smell, the silkiness of his hair, the ticklishness of his super long eyelashes against his skin, the intoxicating taste of his lips, the burning stains his fingertips left, the warm deep tone of his voice... stop Renjun, stop! Forget! Just forget, he bagged himself, his insides turning into hell, he cuddled Dalli tighter in his hands.
The beautiful house on the beach that belonged to Jaemin's family where him and Jae were spending holidays, a few times Jae had left them alone there for Jaemin to read him poems, both cuddling next to the fireplace listening to classical music, or them making long walks in the cold waves.
It was hopeless right? He couldn't forget so he had to find a way to live despite it.
Now he could really feel into what Jae has experienced when Taeyong had left him, some never ending peril of sadness and pain. Even if he was the one leaving, the one heartbreaking like Taeyong. Maybe Lucas was right, Taeyong never deserved forgiveness, never deserved to be taken back and probably never even wanted it, as he has never tried to contact them, but Renjun had lost one family once then found another one, lost it again, so his orphaned child's heart wanted nothing more than his Daddy Tae back, his Daddy Jae to be happy, his beautiful family reunited, no matter the coasts.
"Dalli we will convince Daddy Tae to love Jae again," he said kissing the sheep cuddling to it washing the tears off with his sleeve.
Renjun felt a little bit better getting his priorities back, right? He sighed lighting up the phone, to keep his mid busy, so he pressed the screen, his fingers working against his will finding a news site about Jaemin, browsing through the lates photos to see Jaemin has been out on a conference for human rights and a charity action for helping out children in need. Hasn't Renjun sometimes pictured it, that far away in the future him and Jaemin will adopt someone like him, give him or her a new life. Stop thinking about Jaemin, he reminded himself when he stopped on a video.
How could someone look so gorgeous in just a simple t-shirt and jeans, he wondered when he was watching Jaemin paying piano for eight year olds.
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Thank you so much for being here, I hope you enjoyed the chapter. What do you think about Renjun suffering and Lucas being mad at him, what about Renjun's thoughts and his reasons for carrying on with the plan?
