Letting Go

CHAPTER 20.

I turn on to an open road. I want to feel the raw power this car spits. I press the accelerator and completely ignore the look lynnea is giving me right now. All I'm focused on is the road and the way her car practically gulps down on the road in front of it. My Impala is still faster but that's because of the beast of an engine my dad installed. Lynnea's car drives much smoother than most cars I've driven. I love the way it responds to my touch as if it was a woman. She laughs as my eyes light up with every second I spend in this car. She will never understand how much I love this.

"Enjoying yourself it seems ".

"More than you could ever fucking know "I smile. My stomach feels fuzzy . I guess I was hungry as well but this car is definitely the reason I'm smiling right now.

I had to come to stop when we got to the 24 hour cafe. My mind thinks of the way Caitlyn sips her coffee and it annoys me. I push those thought to the back of my head only focusing on what's happening now. I wanna socialize with Lynnea and maybe ask her some questions about her life and share just a little bit about mine. I wanna be normal for once. I think back to the brunette who was more experienced than I thought. I can't hurt Lynnea the way i did Caitlyn. I don't really know if I did but I know that anything good that comes around me is no longer good.

Lynnea and I spend most of the night taking and laughing. She may dress girly but my fuck she's a little savage. We sat there throwing shade at random strangers as we took big bites of muffins and then we ordered ice cream and played with the spoons when we got bored. Now im driving back to my car and she's hanging out the window singing how deep is your love at the top of her lungs.

"So tell me how deep is your love , can it go deeper?"

I laugh at her. She reminds me of my little sister in a way. She's really an example of a build-a-girlfriend. She's super sweet, super girly, super smart and she knows so much about cars. I remember how the fire in her eyes burnt brighter when I told her I own a Chevy Impala that's way faster than her car. She definitely thought about a race so I beat her to it. We going to the tracks. My dad and I used to race at the tracks all the time. My dad always used the quote from fast and furious " I live life a quarter mile at a time". My love for cars spurred from my dad. Lynnea has an older brother who has his own car dealership back in Missouri. She moved her with her mom. Her and her brother Tim used to build cars together when her mother was out drinking. We stop in front of my Impala and she laughs at me. I know I've laughed at my own car sometimes. It's not the best looking car yet but ever since my mom stepped up I've saved over $30000. So I'm using it to paint my car next weekend and then i will have a smug look whilst she gawks. I know exactly the base I'm going to use. It's a glittery purple. I chose that colour from caitlyn's box of nail polish. It's going to be sad that she won't get to see it but at least Lynnea will. I hate to say this but Lynnea would appreciate the colour more.

I'm laying in bed now and for some odd reason I feel at peace with myself. I'm not even wondering about  things anymore. My night with lynnea made me calm. Her eyes calmed the storm roaring in me. It's weird but I lay here with no thoughts circling in a never ending cycle.

That night I slept with peace under my eye lids. I never saw Caitlyn leaving, I never saw my step dads old behavior. I slept with no worries flying around my room. The walls didn't come down the ceiling wasn't crushing me. It was just me and an empty abyss. I don't care that I wasn't dreaming I care that I was sleeping for the first time in a really long time.

I open my eyes and still feel the pain in my chest but my head isn't throbbing. My eyes aren't swollen or heavy. I feel ...fine.

I decide to wear my dress shirt and grey jeans today. I really feel like I'm going to have an awesome day. I grab the Impala's keys and walk out my room but reverse and stand at the frame with Caitlyn and I in it. "How I miss you love" I say to the frame and feel the tug around my heart. But i know Lynnea will fix it. We have a lot in common and I think she could even be my best friend if I ever needed one it would be now. I just love the vibe she has and the way she does everything with ease. Lynnea and I are going to be close I see it already.

"Right everyone wake up before I start singing" I shoat out once I reach the kitchen and see that everyone's asleep. "1, 2, 3" no movement and I begin to sing.

"Ooh girl, I know I should leave you and learn to mistreat you , coz you belong to the world and ooh girl I want to embrace you . Domesticate you,  but you belong to the world ..."  the noise from Lex's room stops me .

Following the noise was the words " its half past 4 in the morning come on Tyler we trying to sleep".

"You belong to the world you belong to the world" I hear Harry scream from his room. At least I'm not the only one who woke up feeling goofy.