Letting Go

CHAPTER 43.

I find myself standing outside a pub with neon lights blinding me. There's no way I'm going in there. I'm a different person when I drink and I know if I drink now I'll end up causing a scene and I can't do that. I came here with the intentions of meeting Jane and I intend to do so.
I laugh at my own expense. If it wasn't for Caitlyn I would never be this civilized and I just hung up on her a while back without giving her a chance to explain atleast.

I checked in a motel and never got much sleep. Its 5 am and I really regret throwing my luggage at her. I have nothing to change into or to freshen up even.

I walk passed a vending machine on my way out and stopped quickly just to get some mints. I chewed the entire pack of gum before I got to the car rental company. I had to wait 20 minuets before someone helped me.

It's now 6:55 am and I'm waiting outside the house for her. I really don't want to see her and I really don't want to go through this whole ordeal and traumatize myself but the whole purpose of this trip was to prove myself to Dr.Bliare  and what a waste it would be to fight when my initial intentions were pure.

The door opens and a very broken girl steps out. Lynnea looks like she's been up all night and crying as well. Her eyes are all puffy and red, her curls a tangled mess. Her face isn't raidaint. I step out and open her door for her. She looks shocked. I bet she wasn't expecting that. Neither was I.

I know how it feels to be alone when losing a parent. I'm not saying i forgive her but I know I need to support her. Look at me being all civil.

The drive to the hospital was silent the only sounds coming from the occasional directions given by the GPS lady. We get there and I jump out first to get her door before she can open it. I open the door and she steps out still not looking at me.

I know for a fucking fact this girl is not ignoring me right now. She has no right to be angry at me yet here we are , I'm getting the silent treatment.

"You look like crap " I place my hand on the small of her back.

"You as well" she looks at me and tears flood her eyes.

"I promise I'll leave you be after this weekend just let me do good on my word of getting you here and meeting your mom".

"Tyler I don't want you to go. I don't want you to leave me be. I want you and I'm so so sorry that I didn't tell you about Josh but its complicated" she cries a full blown cry. Tears stream her face and her skin is turning pink from all the drama.

"We will speak about it later " I whisper to her as I bring my hand up to dry her tears. She sighs and lays her head against my chest. I wrap my hands around her and we stand like this for a few minutes.

We finally get through the paper work and questions and now we are trying to find Jane's room without any aid from the staff.

The ethic of hospital staff in most hospitals is degrading and that's really sad seeing as how they're supposed to be the fucking people to take care of our loved ones and us. Nowadays we can not leave anyone within the care of these assholes. If anything they speed up the deaths of the patients.

After walking up and down the same hallway thrice lynnea finds Jane's room. I thought it would be a great idea if she went in first and I stayed outside.

"She's ready to meet you" a voice disturbs me from my game. I was playing subway surfers, my normal addiction for my pass time.

"I'm on my way in" I reply and stand up fixing myself in the glass frame on the wall.

I walk in and I'm hit in the face. Jane is good looking for her age and lynnea is the splitting image of her aside from her dads nose.

"Come in. I won't bite. Actually no let me rephrase I can't bite the cords won't let me" Jane acknowledges me and fiddles with the multiple wires around her person.

"Hi. I'm Tyler Slone" I hold my hand out for her to shake.

She shakes my hand and starts asking me a bunch of arbitrary questions that i answer politely.

Jane is quite the comedian. She made us laugh so much before the morphin kicked and she slept. Lynnea held her mothers hand as she slept. I could hear lynnea's soft groans and her weeping but I didn't mention it nor did I want to. All I did was walk out the room to give her time with her mother.

I admire the paintings and waiting room set ups for 20 minutes straight. When I finally go back to get lynnea she's crouching on the floor outside her mothers room.

"I couldn't eat since I left you" i tell her honestly.

"Neither could I" she admits .

I reached for her hand and she takes it. She follows me to the car and I open for her again.

"Do you want to get some food ?" I ask her .

"No Tyler. I need to get back to my aunts house so I can speak to Josh and explain to him that you're the one I want and if you don't want me its okay but i can't stay with Josh anymore. Josh was a part of my life that i can never get back and you're here now. I need you Tyler".

I didn't say anything the rest of the way. I dropped her off and parked outside a pub. I'm tempted to go in and buy some booze but the WhatsApp messages I got stopped me.
Lynnea sent me a song saying that this is how she feels, because sometimes the lyrics of songs speak to us louder than words.

I downloaded them but I didn't play them. I'm really trying out here but the fact that she lied is still fresh in my head and its eating me up inside as much as I tried to conceal it from myself even the pain is there. I'm really hurting. Fuck this. I walk into the bar and emerge a few drinks later.
I didn't drink a lot I just drank a beer and a few shots of bourbon.