Letting Go

CHAPTER 34.

She came with her car so I walked her too it.

"We still on for next weekend ? " she asked me .

"Always " . I kiss her on the forehead and open the door for her. She gives me a small smile and the engine roars to life. The sound makes me weak in the knees. She takes of really fast showing off that new performance upgrade. I practically had an orgasm from that car. I look to my car. You and me got a date tommorow at Mike's workshop I mouth to the car. There's a Lexus V8 in the back that hasn't been used in 4 months and that baby is mine now. Perks of Mike his got a scrapyard like I said. I get all my shit for free because the customers love my work that they just send their friends and then they send their friends and his workshop is slowly growing into a kingdom.

I smile to myself knowing what this car will do in a few days time. I walk in the house and diverge from the clustered lounge and plop on my bed. I passed out.

"Get up useless" lexy is sitting on my bed with a coffee in her hands.

I can feel the shift in the house as I take a bite of my waffle. The whole family is sitting at the kitchen table forks in hand and smiles on their faces. Theres some sort of unity in this and I can't fight the smile creeping on me. I could get used to this. Nicholas sober, my mother talking to Harry and lexy.

I'm full now. Not full from the food but my soul is at the sight of my changed family. They all seem happy and I am content with this. After a huge meal I finally slide my feet into my boots and I'm ready to leave. I grab the car keys and hear an all to familiar engine roar outside. The car ignites me and I walk outside to find lynnea revving her engine.

"Want a ride Tyler? ".

"Get out the driver seat I'm driving I call out to her". She abides and moves over the shifter. I throw my keys at Harry" if there's so much as a scratch on the dashboard i will gorge out your eyes with a teaspoon". I watch as he cringes at my choice of words and I laugh as I step on the accelerator. The raw power of the car consumes me as I push these new performance upgrades to their limit. Thank her dad for having a love of cars cause this damn beast moves like Ferrari with the roar of a G.T.O .

The feel of the wind against my face was amazing. The utter power this car spewed was enough to make me smile from ear to ear.

We pull into the school parking lot and I watch the purple car coming in after us. Harry smiling from the drive and lexy looked like she was still holding on for life. I know he pushed that car but I don't blame him I would have done the same thing honestly.

The day went by pretty fast and Mike and I are finishing the last touches on the Impala. We installed the engine today and I'm currently joining the pipes to the air intake for the turbo. Mike got me a nitrous kit and the bottle is under my seat. I cant wait to see the look on lynnea's face as she hears this car now. The intake catcher sticks out the bonnet and theres no point in even putting the bonnet on so the engine is on full display. The protruding bars are visible enough to anyones eye but only a car lover will know why they are there. I'm planning on spraying a bonnet from the back and installing that on with a scoop to hid the new intake.

Then out of the blue I hear her voice echo throughout the workshop. "Close your eyes wherever you are. Tyler I'm not playing with you close your eyes and walk towards my voice". Of course theres no room for argument and I find myself walking towards her voice.

"Right open" she says . Her breath is mixing with mine at this stage so I'm assuming she came up to me.

I open my eyes and see that her hair is dyed red. Damn how did she figure out my damn weakness. I feel like I just turned to jello. I scooped her up in a swift motion and kissed her while spinning around. It was like something out of a cliched rom com. In that moment I felt like Heath Ledger  singing to his girl whilst running from the campus security. I never understood what posses a boy to forget his masculinity and fall to the beck and call of his girlfriend until now . Now I finally get what possessed Mr.Gatsby into waiting five years for Daisy only to end up alone in the end. I thought he was a fool for waiting so long but I get it I waited for months broken by Caitlyn until this blue eyed, pale skinned girl waltzed into my life like a Summer breeze in the midst of winter. I placed her on the ground gently watching the way she smiled at me.

I've read enough books and watched enough movies to know the arguments and the pain we might endure but i was ready. As I stared into her blue eyes I knew that we were inevitable and there was not a fucking thing that would stop it. Not my insecurities. Not my feelings for Caitlyn. Nothing.

"Tyler you make me feel alive ". I don't think this girl knows what she's done for me. She took me from being a moping guy and filled my life with colour. I do feel something for her but I know I'm not completely over Caitlyn yet.

Is it fair on her for me to stand around and pretend that I have the same heights of emotion for her as she does for me , knowing very well that she deserves more? I could never truly be hers because a part of me is still waiting for Caitlyn to show.

"Lynnea you have no idea how much more you deserve. More than me. But in this moment I'm going to be fucking selfish with you".

She didn't understand the ambiguity of my words but she smiled and I knew deep down inside I'm going to end up fucking her life up but i can't be close to okay without her.