Bound By Madness

18. Hidden Meadow

Oh sweet, playful Jester Assassin, would you mind telling me about this family of yours? Do they know what you are? Or maybe they are also like you and that is why you are traveling to meet them? Has it been a long time since you last saw them? I would imagine that you have missed them. Did they move to Skyrim very long ago? I bet they miss Cyrodiil. No matter how much time passes, I shall always miss my homeland. No place will ever feel like home the same as the lands I grew up in. I bet-

"If Faith does not stop talking, how can she expect Cicero to answer her questions?" Cackling laughter followed the interruption.

Sorry. I didn't mean to keep going. It's just that I've kept the questions to myself for so long that once I started asking, they all spilled out like water across the floor.

"Oh, Cicero understands. Sometimes it is hard to stop when you finally have someone to talk to after so long without. Although Cicero is sure that Faith's two 'friends' were always willing to converse, he is also sure that it is not quite the same as having Cicero pay attention to her words, right?" The look he gave me as he spoke made me feel like there was far more to his words than I understood before he began speaking again. "Ahh, but Faith wants to know about Cicero's Family, yes? Hmmm, what can he say without having to worry about saying something he shouldn't? It would be so much easier if curious Faith was part of the Family, then there would be no worry about needing to keep so many secrets."

I'm not going to marry you just to learn something about your family! No! Just no!

For a moment, the Jester Assassin just looked at me with his jaw dropped slightly before suddenly he was curling his arms around himself as he began laughing so hard he could barely draw in a breath. Moments later, I could hear my Ellery joining in, causing me to wonder what was so funny about what I had said. I wasn't going to marry someone I was still learning about! And I was far too old to be adopted. What other way was there to join a family?

"Ahh, Cicero thinks silly Faith misunderstands! Cicero was not talking about that kind of family, he was talking about his Family! The Family that he chose for himself, not the one he was born into! Ohh, but Faith looked so funny when she thought Cicero was asking her to marry him! He might think she is pretty, but Cicero has far too many obligations to allow himself to be distracted beyond perhaps a little fun. And pretty Faith has already made it clear she is not looking for that kind of fun. At least, not yet, hmm?" He slowly calmed his laughter and gave a shameless grin as he spoke. "Cicero is willing to wait for her to change her mind, but he hopes she does so before it is too late to play."

"Oh Divines, please tell me he doesn't honestly think you're going to sleep with him!" Ellery's voice came from the side of the wagon as he walked beside us.

Turning to him, I blushed at the look on my Jester's face. It was bad enough he made that suggestion after what Cicero had said, he didn't need to confirm what the Jester Assassin had meant!

He's just messing around, Ellery! He doesn't mean it! It's just a-

"Oh, but Cicero means every word of what he says! Cicero wouldn't say no to the pretty assassin's puppet if she wanted to let him teach her a different kind of dance than last time. Perhaps she already knows this dance, but if not, Cicero would be willing to show her how it goes," he said as he reached a hand over to trace his gloved fingers down my cheek. "Blushing Faith makes Cicero remember how long it has been since he's had anyone to share his bed, even if just for a short while."

It... It's just a joke, right? You're just messing with me to see how I react, right? I... You...

"Ahh, smart Faith has caught on to Cicero's little game! Yes, yes! He just wanted to see if he could make Faith blush even more, yes. Just a joke from silly Cicero," he said, the smile he gave before turning away not quite reaching his eyes.

When he pulled his hand away, I was barely able to stop myself from reaching out grab it back. Just how long had he been alone before seeking out his family? And what kind of family was it, that it was one he had chosen rather than had from birth? Why would they leave him alone for so long? What kind of family had he been born to that he would choose to be part of a family that he seemed so unsure of at times?

There had to be a way to find out more about this man and his family without crossing those deadly lines he'd drawn in the proverbial sand.

--------

Things had been uncomfortable between us ever since that awkward conversation, not to mention how things had become between me and Ellery. Amicus didn't really seem to have anything to say, but every time I so much as glanced at the Jester Assassin, Ellery was right there grumbling about it.

Still, I couldn't help but feel like I needed to apologize. No matter how uncomfortable he made me feel, I should have found a better way to make him realize it. Something that didn't make it sound like I was completely denying him. Except, isn't that what I was doing?

Glancing at the man who still refused to look in my direction, avoiding conversation since he couldn't read my lips and refusing to speak to me outside of necessity, I took a moment to look and take in the man I traveled with.

Would it really be so bad to be with a man like him? What am I thinking? He could kill me at any time! He's an assassin!

But so is Amicus. Besides, he hasn't killed me yet and has made it clear he would prefer not to if he could help it. So long as I follow his rules, he'll let me live. No peeking at his cargo, no asking about his family, and no trying to escape him. It was more than I had any right to expect from an assassin, even Amicus had commented on that at one point.

Oh, but I didn't know the man nearly well enough to be with him! And besides, I don't want to give myself to someone who didn't want to stay with me. I'd done that once and even if Amicus came back to me, it hasn't been the same. No, no, I want someone who will be my treasure and treasure me in turn. I don't want a 'for now' with someone. I want forever...

"Cicero can't guarantee a forever. That is why he does not offer it, even to someone as pretty and interesting as Faith. Cicero must put his Mother before anything else, even himself," the softly spoken words had me blinking, finally noticing that the man had turned to look at me while I'd been so busy thinking and talking to myself. "Cicero is not able to be that kind of treasure. Cicero is sorry he can't be what Faith is looking for."

Hearing him speak that way about himself, I could feel an old familiar pain as something inside me broke. Even if I wasn't sure why I said what I did next, I couldn't stop my lips from forming the words.

Oh, Cicero... You don't need to be that kind of treasure to become a treasure to me...