Bound By Madness

68. Admitting Truths

I fidgeted as I arranged the different threads around me, my fingers twitching slightly as I moved first one color and then another from one spot to another. The red thread was the only one that wasn't shifted from its place in the center of the row, greens and greys swapped from one side to the other with a lone wooden spool of gold thread sitting next to a pale blue behind the row.

"Is Faith sure she doesn't mind Cicero being here? He can still leave if she has changed her mind, Cicero wouldn't be upset," my love said softly, his voice still making me jump slightly before I looked up to see him watching me, his fingers plucking gently at the ends of his gloves.

Tilting my head for a moment, I stared at his hands, the gloves that he always seemed to wear whenever I saw him. Looking up into his eyes, I decided to ask a question I had avoided for a long time already.

Cicero, do you mind if I ask that you remove your gloves? I've never seen your hands before, not even when I gave you the ring to wear. You are wearing the ring, aren't you?

"Is this Faith's way of avoiding the question?" He gave a half-hearted chuckle as he moved his hands apart, resting them on his legs as he stared at me.

No, my Cicero. I do not mind you being here and I have not changed my mind. You want to watch me make my stitches and I am allowing you to do so. I just want to see your hands, even if just once. Please, may I see that you still wear the ring I gave you? I mean... If you decided you didn't want to wear it... well, it would be foolish of me to act like you had to keep wearing it, wouldn't it. Foolish Faith, acting like I have a right to expect-

"Cicero hasn't taken the ring off since his Faith gave it to him and he has no plans to change that," he said gently, slowly pulling the glove from one hand before raising it up so I could see the light flickering on the metal band.

Small scars dotted his fingers, mostly small nicks and cuts from years of learning to use a blade and even more years of putting that skill to use. Of course, they were mostly faded from the last several years of taking care of Mother instead of taking contracts, his hands looking softer than I had expected after wearing gloves and handling oils for so long. Of course, I should have known better, knowing that he'd put down his blade for anything but protecting Mother and our practice dances.

We should dance again soon. It would be a shame not to put your skills to use.

Finally dragging my eyes away from the shimmer of the ring and the thought of how soft his hand would feel held in my own, I reached out and grabbed the red thread, hoping to finish the last flower before starting on another of the webs. After threading the needle I would be using, I realized that I couldn't just pull my shirt off to begin the stitches.

Standing up, I set the needle down carefully before heading over to my chest and digging through to find a shirt that didn't have sleeves long enough to get in the way. Finally finding something that would work, I moved behind the curtain of cloth and changed quickly before coming out and tossing the other shirt into the basket to join the rest of the wash for tomorrow.

"Oh! Faith has been taking away some of her pretty flowers? Ahh, but she added some webs like she put on her legs! Cicero thinks it looks interesting like this. Will Faith be adding more flowers or webs to the empty parts?" He pointed to the areas I had yet to add the new stitching to, his eyes bright with curiosity.

I need to finish the flower over here. Then I will be stitching some new webs here and here.

I pointed to the different spots as I spoke to him, watching his eyes follow my finger's movement before staying focused on where the first web I'd finished seemed to attach to the nearby vines and flowers.

Do you want to touch them?

"Faith does not mind?" He seemed nervous as he watched me slowly nod, my eyes trained on his bare hand as he slowly lifted it up.

I don't mind... You're the first person besides Amicus who's ever wanted to touch them...

His fingers traced slowly over the patterns of petals and webs, caressing the edges of leaves and following vines gently as his eyes followed his fingertips. Finally, he paused for a moment on the unfinished flower before looking up at me again.

"The Listener said something to Cicero about Amicus, but Cicero told the Listener that he already knew about Faith's Assassin friend. But then the Listener said something Cicero didn't know about. That Faith knows the MadGod and has called him friend in the past," he whispered as his finger trailed once more down my arm, stopping where the vines curled around the webs at my wrist. "Cicero hopes that Faith will tell him about how she met a Daedric Prince someday, but whether or not she tells him, Cicero hopes even more that Faith will do her best to remain safe. He does not want to lose his heart so soon after finding her."

I'm trying, my Cicero. I don't want to lose you either. Did... Did Bastian say anything else to you? I... There are parts of my past I don't remember and others that are unclear, barely enough to be called a memory. I didn't remember Sheogorath, even if he seemed to know me. But, even though he frightened me a bit, I do not think he would hurt me. Amicus and Ellery both seemed to believe that I was safe. Lord Sheo. He seemed to find me more amusing than anything else. And he said-

"Shhh, Cicero did not mean to upset his Faith. We do not need to talk of this more right now. It can wait. Shhh, shh sweet Faith. it's okay," he whispered as he pulled me into his arms, his bare hand running slowly up and down my arm in a soothing manner. "Tell Cicero what the flowers and vines and webs represent. He remembers that his lovely Faith once said Amicus told her she should put meaning into her stitches. Why did Faith choose to add webs?"

Webs are stronger than they look and yet also can be beautiful. I needed something strong enough to hold me together, but also something that would maybe hold our Family together, to keep it from breaking apart. And it's working! You see that, don't you? How it's holding the family together?

"Of course Cicero sees. His Faith is very smart to think of using webbing in her stitches like that," he said as he wrapped his arms around me, pressing his lips against my hair in gentle kisses. "Now tell Cicero about the flowers."