Bound By Madness

50. Unexpected Changes

"Faith? Cicero would like to... apologize for how he behaved earlier," his voice wavered as he hesitated in the entryway to our room, looking at the floor as if afraid of seeing me respond to his words.

It was good that he hadn't come in before I'd had a chance to wash the tears from my face. The last thing I wanted was for him to think that he was the one who'd made me cry. No, I'd not cried because of him, but rather for him and there was a difference between the two.

Standing up from where I'd been reading Beggar, becoming engrossed in the book until my poor, sweet Cicero had come into the room, I closed the book and sat it back upon the shelves. Putting the best smile I could manage upon my lips, I turned and walked toward the man until I was but an arms reach away from him.

My dear Jester Assassin, my Cicero, you do not need to apologize for having been upset. Even if you never spoke the words, I know how much you wished to hear Mother's voice for yourself. I don't-

"No, no! That is not why Cicero was upset! Cicero had given up hoping for himself to hear Mother's sweet voice, even if part of him still wanted to be Listener. No, what Cicero wanted lately was for his dear Faith, who already listened so well to her friends when nobody else could or would hear them... Cicero had told Mother that it would make him happy if she would speak to kind Faith if she would not choose Cicero, for surely Faith was worthy of hearing Mother speak. But Mother did not choose Faith either, just as she hadn't chosen Cicero, and instead spoke to the Initiate," he stopped and took a deep, shuddering breath as I stood there in shock. "But Faith spoke truthfully to Cicero earlier. Only Mother knows what is needed, for only she hears the words of Sithis himself, and it is by her goodwill that she shares what she does with the Listener. She chooses a Listener based on what she knows and what the Family needs and all we can do is make sure that the one she chooses is prepared and protected as best as we can."

I didn't even move when he took a sudden step forward and wrapped his arms around me, arms lose so I could pull away if I so desired. Not that I ever would pull away from him, bringing my hands up to press against his back and hold him closer.

"Does Faith really wish to stay and help Cicero protect Mother and the Listener? Things shall be changing now and although Cicero hopes it is only for the better, he also understands that sometimes change is not always easy," he spoke as his arms finally pulled tight, fingers clenching gently against my shirt as if to make sure I wouldn't vanish from his hold.

Nodding against his shoulder, I gently pulled away and looked up into his too-bright eyes, the faintest hint of the tears he'd kept from falling still there as if waiting for him to break. I could have mouthed the words to him, told him all the reasons I would stay, but my lips would not form the shapes needed for speaking.

Instead, all I could do was watch as his eyes seemed to grow larger and brighter until I realized it was because I'd been slowly inching closer, my lips finally brushing against his. It was with a soft sigh that I felt my fingers curl gently into his hair, not stopping until I felt his fingers cup my cheeks, his own lips pulling away from me.

"Faith should not tease Cicero with such soft kisses. He has already told her he cannot offer her a forever," he said, a sad smile on his face as he stepped back, his arms falling to his sides.

Sometimes what I want and what I need are not the same thing. It just... takes me a while to figure out the difference between the two. I do not need a forever, no. Not if it means I lose my chance to be with you. Just... Is it okay if we take things slowly?

Looking down, I plucked at the loose threads of my shirt as it unraveled even more, my cheeks burning hot from the blush covering them. The silence that followed my words began to grow heavy, squeezing my eyes shut as my fingers twitched. I felt a growing need to stitch something, anything. My arms, my legs, the most recent hole in my shirt, the new cap I'd begun working on for Ellery. Anything to make the silence stop creeping so maddeningly across my mind like this.

"If Faith wishes to go slowly, Cicero will be okay with that, so long as his pretty Faith doesn't mind him stealing kisses from time to time," the soft whisper floated through the room as I felt my lips curve upward in a relieved smile, his fingers tracing slowly along my jaw before warm lips brushed so very gently against my cheek.

--------

"I'm sorry, Faith. I know you wanted to stay here longer, but if Cicero himself is insisting I take you... Well, at least it's only for one contract again, right? And Nazir said Half-Moon Mill is close, so it should be done and over quickly, even if the guy is supposed to be a vampire. I mean, how hard could it be?" The Initia- the Listener chuckled in a painful attempt at lightening the mood.

Babette says she's been around for three hundred years and she was turned as a child. This one is a full-grown man and if we are lucky he will be alone, his mate busy elsewhere. If we are not, then we have two vampires to deal with. We cannot afford to take chances, Listener. You are too important to risk. As it is, I don't like you going to Morthal on your own, but Cicero will want to hear how this contract went and I will not leave him worrying just to watch you kill a bard. Just... hurry back when you finish so we can see you are safe.

"I'm sorry... I'm just not used to people worrying about me. I promise I won't take any unneeded risks, not with this contract or the other two," he mumbled, his head lowered as he avoided meeting my gaze.

What do you mean 'the other two'? I thought it was just the vampire and the bard! What other contract did they give you that you didn't tell me about earlier?

"Oh... Um, there was one for an Argonian as well? Up near a shipwreck or something, I think. I have it written down in my book, I can-" he was rambling and reaching into his pack when I cut him off with a soft shove to his chest, catching him by surprise.

Wait here. I need to tell Cicero I'll be gone longer than expected. You are not going up against an Argonian on your own. Especially near a shipwreck. What would you do if they dive into the water? No, we will take care of the water-breather first and then go after the vampire. Then I'll come back Home to tell Cicero while you go after the bard.

Sighing, I turned back toward the Door we had only left minutes ago, not looking forward to having to see the Pretender again so soon after leaving. Shoulders slumping, I turned my head just long enough to mouth one last phrase at the Listener.

I'll be right back...

At least I could see my lovely Cicero one more time before I had to leave for even longer than initially expected.