Bound By Madness

31. Finding Home

"If he can't accept you as you are, sweet Faith, then can you truly count him as a treasure? Shouldn't your treasures be able to see who you are, the light and the dark within you, and care for you anyhow?" Amicus whispered slowly into my ear, his arms wrapping around me as I closed my eyes and just took a moment to absorb the warmth he was giving me.

I stood there for a while, my fingers plucking nervously at the frayed hem of my shirt, before nodding and pulling my pack off my back to rummage through as I pulled out what I needed.

You're right, as always, dear Amicus. Even if he turns from me, even if it breaks me, at least you and Ellery will still be there to help put me back together again. You two are always there for me and at least that will never change, right?

"We could never leave your side, no matter what happens," the two spoke together, Ellery sitting on the lone bed as Amicus stood behind me.

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I could feel their eyes on me as I walked through the main chamber, could hear the whispers starting as the ones in the room began moving towards each other, but I was determined to ignore them. If this Family decided ultimately that they couldn't accept me as I was... then perhaps they were not the family I was meant to have.

But I couldn't help feel a small part of me hope that they would, that this family of assassins that Cicero called his own even if begrudgingly, could find it in themselves to look past the stitches and see me. That tiny part of me that was often hidden even from myself wanted them to see Faith, and somewhere hidden even deeper within, to see the Juniper I used to be and understand. Although, if asked, I couldn't really say what I wanted them to understand.

Setting the towel I had claimed as my own down far enough away to not get wet but near enough to grab easily when I was finished, I slowly lowered myself into the water and began washing several days of dirt off my body. I was careful not to pull on the stitches, the short sleeves of the ragged shirt and cut off leggings allowing them to show freely for the first time in years.

Before this, only the occasional priest and the old Breton Agrane had seen them, and even then rarely had anyone seen this much. Although, it was still not all of the stitches, the patterns on my sides and upper arms and legs still hidden from view by tattered cloth. Even so, I waited for the whispers to grow louder as they saw the colors begin to really show as dirt was washed away to reveal the bright threads I had used to create them.

I hate the feel of their eyes on me, judging me as if they have the right.

"Of course they don't have the right to judge you. Only I have any right to that," Ellery spoke from nearby as he wandered about the room, peering and poking gently at various plants and items placed about the area.

Several minutes passed as I finally worked the last of the grime from my skin, ducking under to wet my hair so I could begin working the dirt and oil that had built up in the tangled black mess during the journey. The already small bar of soap had grown tiny by this point, reminding me that I would have to see if I could find a replacement that wasn't too expensive and didn't have a strong smell to it. It wouldn't do to be found sneaking around because they could smell me, after all.

It was as I rinsed the last of the soap from my hair and stepped out from under the waterfall that I noticed the Jester Assassin walk down the stairs and stop, staring at me as I froze in place, waiting to hear him make his judgment. And when he did, I could feel my eyes begin to burn with the tears that wanted to fall.

"What pretty art Faith has made. Why didn't she tell Cicero she could stitch so well?"

The trembling smile on my face couldn't even begin to show the man how much those words meant to me, something so casually spoken and yet two simple phrases that I would treasure nearly as much as I have come to treasure him.

I was being foolish and worried that you wouldn't like my stitches.

"Silly Faith! Cicero and Ellery should be the only ones being foolish since they are the only Fools around!" It warmed my heart even more that he mentioned Ellery so easily, even though nobody else had ever bothered to remember the man besides myself.

Grabbing the towel from near Ellery's feet, I smiled up at my Jester and pointed to the Jester Assassin after wiping the tears from my eyes.

He remembered you, Ellery. He really is a one of a kind treasure! I was right. If anything ever happens to me, he will remember you for me. You won't be forgotten.

"Even if he does remember, it won't be the same. It could never be the same," Ellery spoke softly before getting up and walking away, vanishing up the stairs.

Feeling a gloved hand upon my shoulder as I wrapped the towel around myself, I turned to see my Jester Assassin looking at me curiously.

"Is sweet Faith okay? She looks worried," he said, pulling his hand back and wringing his hands for a moment before he forced them to still.

Yes, I'm okay... It's just Ellery. He worries that if something ever happens to me, him and Amicus will be forgotten... You won't forget about them, will you Cicero? You'll remember them for me, right?

"If Faith tells Cicero what she can about her two friends, then he promises he will do his best to remember everything about them for her. But he hopes that nothing will happen to sweet Faith and they can remember Ellery and Amicus together instead," he patted my head for a moment as he looked at me, his honey-brown eyes crinkling in the corners as he smiled gently at me. "Cicero would much rather share stories of friends with dear Faith. He has enough memories of those lost to want to add any more to the list of names only he remembers. Especially yours."

With one last look, he turned and walked back toward the stairs leading to the inner chambers and Mother's sanctuary within the Sanctuary.

"Cicero is tired. He will go check on Mother one last time and go to bed. He's had a long day and met many new faces. Cicero needs to rest so he can be ready for what tomorrow brings."

Even though he couldn't see my lips, I still mouthed the words at him that I had grown familiar with over the past weeks together.

Sweetest dreams, my friend. May the morning bring a smile to you.