Joe and Dianne: Life away from you

We control our own doubts

Narrator's POV:

It had been several long hours since Dianne had found herself standing on the balcony, fighting against the winds of the island as she contemplated her life and the relationship she began to feel trapped in. Several long hours of final dips in the pool with the man she so desperately loved, yet also wanted to escape from - of long queues and audio announcements of gate numbers and locations in a packed airport filled with confused travellers deciding that they better learn the local language in 40 minutes whilst they have the time - of hushed words as Dianne bit her tongue at the jokes Joe made that she no longer found to be funny. Yet still her persistence had got her back to London without a single slip of the tongue or irritation. Yet her quiet state had not gone unnoticed by Joe. 

In fact the odd way in which Dianne had presented herself the past few days had really thrown him off. He knew without a shadow of doubt that the time they had spent together on holiday had meant a lot to the woman he loved. The smiles she wore whenever he held her in his arms, or the look of wonder on her face whenever she looked out into the blue expanse outside of their room had proven that Joe did the right thing by whisking her away. But still something wasn't right. She didn't laugh at his jokes like she used to. She didn't smile until the muscles in her face ached like the two of them used to in training. And Joe couldn't help but worry about if she had lost the feelings he was only recently certain she felt towards him. The feelings he had only ever got to experience with her before. The feelings he thought would never be lost again.

He and Dianne had been going out for bordering on nine months now and in that time it was fair to say that Joe had learnt his fair share of lessons. Not only about Dianne, but also about himself. Joe always knew that he struggled with his emotions. Both experiencing and controlling them had always been a mystery to him, even as a child Joe never understood why people would use to argue or bicker. Why his sister would get upset over, what to him, seemed to be the smallest, most insignificant things. And even why he felt guilty for not understanding his dads tears when his grandfather died. But none of that confusion ever played up to the hurt he felt that he discovered as an adult. From the moment he moved into London with Caspar, Joe was thrown into a world of booze, clubs and girls that you just didn't find where he grew up. But nonetheless, he picked up the phone numbers of girls, picked up the bruises on his neck from drunken make out sessions and gave Jacks number of one night stands a run for its money. But the one thing Joe never managed to pick up from any girl, no matter how good the night was. And that confusion and frustration at how little he could ever understand anyone's feelings continued to grind his gears for six long years, until he got a phone call that changed his life.

That phone call lead to a position on the largest TV show in the country. Which in turn lead him to the arms of a very special woman. A woman who gave him back the part of his life, he knew was missing, but never had the courage to find himself. Dianne held a piece of her heart in the form of dancing and shared it with Joe. Endless hours of training with her had allowed Joe to enter a part of life that he was certain only appeared in movies. The shy smiles and late night texting conversations that he held onto for dear life for 13 long weeks paid off until eventually he found the girl he had dreamed of ever since he was a confused and broken teenager, in his arms. And finally... Finally he had the ability to say that he could feel. That he had the capabilities to love. That finally, someone was his. 

But now something in the girl he loved had changed, and Joe couldn't help but fear that it was all his fault. The worry he felt at the very beginning of their relationship about the inevitability of him fucking up in someway or another, had rushed back into his head, and were slowly venturing there way into his heart. Joe looked over to the sofa from his position at the Kitchen worktop, where he sat editing the vlog from there holiday, at Dianne who was studying something intently on her phone. Suddenly lifting her eye line to meet his, a harsh and stony expression that Joe hadn't come across since learning the Samba in week 8 struck across her usually so delicate features, forcing Joe to look away from her in a blind panic.

"What?" She questioned angrily. 

"Huh?" Joe questioned innocently as he pretended to focus on his editing.

"Joe that's like the eighth time you've looked at me like that in the past two minutes, what's bothering you?"Dianne's voice softened, knowing all too well that the mood she had been put into had left her tolerance for Joe's shenanigans down to a fine line.  

"Nothing Di... I... uh, it's.... nothing." He stuttered out clumsily, fiddling with his keyboard to cut out a section of footage in a haste.

"No Joe what is it?" She questioned, now becoming slightly concerned for him. The confusion and stress clearly evident on his face throwing her off completely. Despite the anger at his stupid jokes he had been telling, and the fear she felt at the slowness of their relationship, the love that Dianne held for Joe was most definitely like no other she had ever experienced before. I mean, why else would she be so desperate to get to the next stage with him?

"It's nothing, I'm just wondering if you're okay?" Joe questioned tentatively as he stood up and wondered over to where she was sat on the sofa. "You've been really quiet these past couple days and I just want to know if I can help in anyway." Dianne sat there frozen. Her fear bubbling up more as she queried her own actions, and how unsubtle she had really been the past few days. There was an awkward silence, that began to deafen the pair of them until eventually Joe's concerns took the best of him and he broke it. "Is it because of me?"

Dianne shifted in her seat, her eyes instantly settling on her hands that rested uncomfortably in her lap. Her finger nails dancing lightly on the screen of her phone as Joe's words sunk in, shattering her heart at the truth he didn't even know he had uncovered. The fact of the matter that she couldn't seem to ignore was that the way she feeling was partially his fault. Of course it was her own insecurities and concerns that she wasn't grown up enough to talk about that made it worse, but this all started because of him. "It is isn't it." Joe said, taking Dianne out of her inevitable spiral. His voice was solemn and low. The doubt in his voice clear as day. 

Dianne stood up, a new and unexpected surge of courage found within her as her brain clicked into gear. She had to get this off her chest. She had to tell Joe it was time to move on, no matter how much it would break his heart to hear it...

A/N Hey people, sorry this chapter was so shit and took forever to get out. I don't know why but recently I have been really struggling to get decent contact out. I'm not entirely sure why, perhaps I am just going through a bit of a slump. Either way, I would like to thank you all so much for getting this story to almost 20K reads, that is genuinely insane and I can't thank you enough for it. Every vote and comment means so much to me and I am still loving writing this. However because I am struggling with writing at the moment, I might take a small break from this. Personally I would much rather take the time to produce really high quality interesting works for you all than stuff like this which isn't the best. I'd really appreciate any feedback on what I do write though. Positive or Negative always helps a lot. Once again thank you so much. xxxx