Joe and Dianne: Life away from you

Truths that tear the heart

Narrator's POV:

Dianne stood still, her mind a whirl with more thoughts, emotions and doubts than she had ever hoped to experience in a life time, let alone within a five minute period. It was fare to say that the way Dianne had been acting, and the way she had let her thoughts get the better of her, was unnatural and out of character for her. Being a dancer, she had spent years of tireless effort and determination to get her mind and body in complete synchronisation with one another. After all, her entire career had consisted of learning what was essentially a set of well timed instructions - committing them to memory - then allowing her body to do the rest. But this... this incessant need for facts and answers over something that she knew was out of her control, was not only mentally taxing, but unnerving for her too.

"Is it me? Am I the reason that despite what we have done together, and the places we've been recently, you haven't been happy?" Joe pressed on, his patience with Dianne beginning to fade as he too found himself out of character in this situation.

Joe was known for being calm in all circumstances, and very rarely getting angry with anyone apart from himself. But the sudden frustration he found coursing through his veins at the silence and irrationality he was being subjected too, seemed to feel right. And that scared him. The feelings he had endured over his life such as those of anger or extreme happiness had never seemed to fit with his relaxed personality. Had never seemed to connect to him, and equally, Joe had never felt the need in his life to connect to them. Even when he was forced to tackle guys twice his size on a rugby pitch, or shout at his own team mates when they were out of position, anger was never Joe's forte. Instead his passion for the sport and his drive to succeed had always been the thing to get him where he needed to, But this.... this feeling of anger that he felt he had to share with the woman he was undoubtedly head over heels in love with, felt right... Felt needed... Felt as if his actions and thoughts were for the first time in their relationship, unapologetically his.

"For fucks sake Dianne, you're 30 years old start acting like it. If you have something on your mind just say it. Stop acting so childish and talk to me for a change." Joe let his anger slip, taking both himself and Dianne by surprise at the brutality of his words that neither of them new he had the capability of expressing.

Yet her shock at his words was very quickly over run by several other thoughts within Dianne's mind. The first and foremost was the addition of her own anger. Dianne knew that her initial freeze that left Joe in silence as she attempted to gather her thoughts was down to guilt. Knowing that the inevitable outcome of what she was going to say to him would break his heart and almost definitely break them too. But the moment she found herself on the back foot, the confidence and brutality of Joe's words stinging and biting her, a new wave of realisation washed over the bemused red head.

After all, the fears and doubts that Dianne held about their relationship was all Joe's fault right?... It was his catty comments and his reluctance to even humour her about the idea of marriage that threw her off the idea that one day... in the possible distant future, she and Joe could ever have more than they have right now. It was after all his jokes and his incessant held back nature that infuriated her. And consequently, the guilt she suddenly felt... The guilt she thought she had to feel for her own thoughts, seemed to dissipate away, knowing that she had nothing to feel guilty for. As throughout all of this, Dianne couldn't ignore that the overriding feeling she held within her heart was that of let down and betrayal from the boy she loved, and the boy who she thought loved her back.

"Childish..." Dianne echoed Joe's previous comment in a hushed and rather malicious tone of voice. One Joe had never ever heard before, even when they attempted the Samba for the thousandth time that week, still finding himself getting it wrong. "You think I'm being childish?" Dianne asked. Her question was quite clearly rhetorical. But nonetheless, Joe replied anyway.