1985
Brookline, Massachusetts
Conan left Lindsey's house with a mix of terrible feelings. He was heartbroken, he was sad and anxious and it felt like a heavy stone was placed inside his heart. Conan did assure Lindsey he would stop seeing June. He thought to himself it was a coward move, but he also remembered June wanted to be alone. Maybe there was something he could do after a while, to convince Lindsey that June was just a friend and that he loved Lindsey more than anything.
But he was lying to himself. He didn't love Lindsey. Deep inside he knew. But for some reason, he didn't want to end with her and thought their relationship just needed a few repairs, like a broken car or something that could be easily fixed. He had nowhere to go now. Maybe Conan didn't want to be alone, and that was the reason he was still holding up to Lindsey. But he shook his head, thinking that this uncertainty was caused by the heated discussion they just had.
He had nowhere to go, but his parents' house. He entered the living room, and his mom was there, immediately noticing the concern look on his face.
"What happened, sweetie?" his mom kindly asked.
He sighed. "Lindsey wants me to stop seeing June."
His mom frowned. "What?"
"She said I spend a lot of time with June and that we are more than friends."
Mrs. O'Brien thought the same. Ever since Conan was fifteen, he would bring June to everything. She didn't feel bothered, and her husband seemed to like June as well. But then, when Conan was sixteen, maybe seventeen, she started to notice the way he looked at June. She'd never seen such a warm smile coming from his lips before. He would always treat his neighbor like a friend, but his eyes said something different. His body language would say he wanted her, he wanted to kiss her, and be with her. His mom noticed his change next to June and next to Lindsey. He would be more outgoing, his funny, silly self when June was around. The girl clearly loved his jokes and the way he filled the house with joy.
Lindsey's presence, however, made him tone down a lot. She would give him these looks when she thought he was being too much and he would immediately stop. Mrs. O'Brien thought it was rude at first, for the fact Conan was her son and she always loved his silly sense of humor. But she thought that was Conan's decision to make. She got her son back when Lindsey was not there, and she wanted it to last. But Conan was dating Lindsey for almost two years now and if he said he was happy, she would not interfere...but she knew he wasn't. And she thought Conan was a bit stubborn to admit his unhappiness. He clearly wanted it to work.
"Do you want my advice?" his mom asked.
Conan sat on the couch and sighed. "I am a bit lost. I would love to hear what you have to say."
She sighed. "Look, son... it's your decision to make. You're twenty-three now, and I think you're capable of making it on our own. How do you feel?"
"What do you mean?"
"Are you happy?"
He hesitated. "Of... of course I am mom, why do you ask?"
She paused, sighed and nodded.
Conan waited for his mom to talk, a bit nervously. "I need to know something."
"What is it?" he asked.
"Do you think of June way more than you intend when you are with Lindsey?"
"What do you mean?" he started to get anxious.
"What I mean is: how much do you think of her? How much do you think of her while doing other things, while dating Lindsey, when you are on Lindsey's presence?"
Conan was in a loss for words. "I..."
"How many times June came through your window this summer?"
Conan flushed. "Mom... what?"
"I already know it happens, Conan." his mom laughed. "I just want to know if she still does it and if you miss it."
Conan put his face in his hands "Oh, God."
"Do you feel like hugging her until the end of time, that being with her is the only thing that will ever make you happy?"
"Mom!"
"Answer me."
He looked down. "I... I don't know."
"Do you feel like kissing her? Cause I already know you did."
Conan looked at his mom, scared.
"I didn't hear much of it, Lindsey is really loud. But I know you did."
"I did kiss her, yes." Conan was a bit embarrassed. "It felt right."
Mrs. O'Brien sighed. "Stop everything you're doing and go after her. She's clearly the one you're after."
"Mom, I am dating..."
"Yeah, Lindsey. You're dating Lindsey. But are you truly happy, son? Think about it. Who makes you happier? Who makes you smile like there's no end to life? Who does it for you?"
It wasn't that simple. Conan still felt he owed June an apology and that he should tone down to go back and make Lindsey happy. But... he wasn't happy indeed. It felt like all the effort he put in this relationship was to make her happy. But what about himself? He tried, but he didn't remember of any instance of Lindsey trying to make him happy. It was just about her, what she wanted, where she wanted to go, the movies she wanted to watch, the sex she wanted to have. Hell, even the sex was all about her.
"Thanks, mom. I'll think about it." he said, and left the room.
