Hey dad... it's been a while... it feels like I haven't seen you in forever. Sometimes I almost forget about you, kinda like I forget about my mom... until something or someone makes me remember.
It's not easy dad
Sometimes I wish you left
Because that would be easier
Than realizing that you're so close
Yet so far away
I miss you dad
I miss your smile
I miss your childishness
I miss your laugh
I miss when you would embarrass me
I acted like I didn't like it but I did
But
I don't miss your temper
I dont miss you yelling at me
Reminding me that I am pathetic
Indirectly saying you are
...disappointed
I don't miss walking on eggshells
I don't miss trying to please you
I really fucking miss my dad
But I guess I have to get over it
Because I know now
You're never coming back
Whether it's because of her and
How you'd rather have her kids over me, your own flesh and blood
There will always be something won't there dad, something more important than your very own daughter
But it's okay, really
I get it
I'm not a person to you anymore,
I'm a problem
I understand now daddy
Just forget about me completely
Because that's what I'm going to do
That's what hurts less
Than realizing
I wasn't enough for you
Enough to stay
Enough to love
Enough to care
Enough to even fucking visit dad!
Every single day I would cry
Waiting to be enough for you
But guess what dad
I'm not that sad little girl anymore
Waiting around wondering when my dad will finally come home
I'm done losing sleep over you dad
I just can't do it anymore
You are the one who is not worth it
It's you dad
It was never me
All I did was love you
But my love was never enough for you dad was it...
But it's okay I get it
So don't
Don't pretend to worry about me
Don't pretend to care
Don't pretend you miss me
Don't pretend that I am even close to a priority to you
Because that's not true
And you know it
You are a selfish liar
And I'm done wasting my time crying over you, you are not worth it
-JT
YOU ARE READING
Done
Randomrandom thoughts from my depressed suicidal brain This is my way of coping. I'm learning to rant on wattpad instead of cut, binge purge...etc. Also, most of the time when I'm writing this stuff I'm upset and have no regard for spelling and grammar ch...
