Im scared that I have just shut off all my feelings. I feel numb. I didnt mean to but somehow it happened. I have no motivation. No ability to focus. Music is the only thing that helps me feel. I dont want to feel like this anymore. I want my happiness back. I want to smile without getting a rush of reasons why I should not. I wonder if anyone else gets that. Whenever I feel good, happy, my brain is like yeah right think again. I wish I was normal. I do everything Im told. I try to be a good person. So why do I still feel like this? Im trying so hard to just let everything go and be happy but its not working. I feel numb but at the same time I hurt so much. Sometimes it hurts so much that I cant breathe. I dont understand why this is happening to me. I wish I could be happy all the time. I just want this feeling to go away. But at the same time, its like Im not feeling anything. Hes probably not thinking about me. He said he loved me, but I think that is a lie. If you love someone, you try, for them. If you love someone, you dont make false promises. If you love someone, you do not treat them as if they mean nothing. You do not hurt the people you love. And if for some reason, you do, you do everything you can to fix it. Saying I love you means nothing if there are no actions to accompany them. His words were empty and so were his promises. Trust is a sacred thing. If you break someones trust, it is nearly impossible to get it back. I do not see myself ever trusting him again. I do not want to let him back in my life.
-JT
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عشوائيrandom thoughts from my depressed suicidal brain This is my way of coping. I'm learning to rant on wattpad instead of cut, binge purge...etc. Also, most of the time when I'm writing this stuff I'm upset and have no regard for spelling and grammar ch...
