Suicide Season

Buses Can Be Fun

(A/N: the cover is (Rachel) Leda Muir and (Faith) is Taryn Tragedyy)

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Rachel's p.o.v.
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Hiya! My name is Rachel. I'm 16 and I have low self confidence and a low self esteem, anxiety and a small amount of depression here and there. I feel so fat and ugly and nasty and just eww. 

Yeah I have friends. My best friend is Autumn, she's amazing. We've been best friends since the 6th grade and I know she'd never turn her back on me.

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On the bus going to school
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I was rocking out to Anthem by Bring Me The Horizon, when we came to a stop to pick some kids up and surprisingly someone sat beside me... Me.

I was hoping it wasn't some annoying cheerleader or jock. I sat there awkwardly with my music blasting into my ears. I didn't get to see what they looked like until I paused the song, and looked at him. Yep, turned out it was a guy. But not a jock. Thank you whatever is there. See I'm atheist, I don't believe in a god. Or at least know. I mean we have no evidence and the bible was written by humans after all. (So let's not get too into religious aspects I don't want to offend anyone.)

Apparently I was staring because he looked at me and said
"Are you okay?"

"Yeah I... I j-just don't know who you are, that's all."
I said trying not to blush. Which I obviously failed at. He was gorgeous.

"Oh sorry...  I'm new here, my name is Eli, yours?"

"Uhh.. Rachel what grade are you in?"

"I'm a junior, you?"

"Same"

He's really cute and he seems a little shy by his body movements, I notice those small kinds of things. He has long, shoulder length black hair, electric blue eyes, snakebites, and gauges. I have long black hair..
Well I change the color very often but right now it's black, I have snakebites, gauges and blue eyes... but he is perfect.

"So um any bands you have an interest in?" I ask breaking the 2 minute silence.

"Ugh yeah! Way too may to name all of them though." We both laugh at that.

"Yea I feel you." I say.

"Mainly Bring Me The Horizon and Motionless In White." He says smiling at me with excitement in his eyes.

"Bmth is my favorite band of all time. Just saying." I'm getting a little nervous and I'm starting to feel butterflies.

Then all of the sudden... BOOM! My heart races. He slowly went to hold my hand. It starts to get hot. I'm starting to sweat, this can't be real. I'm daydreaming. So just to check, I look down. His fingers are intertwined with mine.

I know I'm freaking out over him just holding my hand, but this has never happened to me. Guys just don't like me. The way I look. How fat I am. How ugly I am. How can he like me?

So yeah, this is a big deal to me. Maybe he doesn't even like me like that, I thought. But then why would he hold my hand anyway!? Exactly. I must have tensed up because he looked at me worriedly as if he had done something wrong. He probably thought I didn't like him.

"You have a boyfriend don't you?" He asked sadness covers his eyes like a blanket.

"No! No I just didn't... You know... Expect you to.. Yeah." I look down at our hands as a gesture and smile at him.

"Oh sorry.. Little to fast, huh?" He asked cheering up slightly but blushing at the same time. It was kind of cute.

"Just a little." I say and chuckle at his embarrassment.