Suicide Season

What You Don't Know Will Kill You

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Rachel's p.o.v.
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We finally got the Starbucks and back to Faith's house and under the covers. The woman at Starbucks that gave is our coffee was a bitch though.

I swear I would have bitch slapped her but I didn't want to lose my coffee and I wanted to have a calm, relaxing night, so I decided to let her be a bitch.

So that leads up to now. Me and Eli are cuddling and across the couch is Autumn and Alex cuddling and were watching South Park. The whole series. Yeas. The perfect night.

<><><>The Next Day<><><>

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Eli's P.O.V
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"Do you have to leave so early?" Rachel asks.

"Yes my mom and dad are going to get pissed, I was supposed to be home 3 hours ago. Their probably worried." I say.

It was a lie. My mom and dad didn't give a shit when I was coming home.

Autumn told me to meet her at the park. I know why. To make it even worse, I kinda like Autumn. She's hot! Like really hot.

"Ok, I love you." She says. It hurts. I'm going to break her heart. An innocent, beautiful girls heart. But I swallow hard and hide my watery eyes. She doesn't know anything.

Me and Autumn have been sneaking around together for a while now. About a month. I even took her virginity. I've only been with Rachel for 3 months.

"I love YouTube." but I made it sound like you too. I hug her and go to my car, wave goodbye and 15 minutes later I'm with Autumn at the park, well behind the park where no one can see us, around trees in the woods.

"Hey." Autumn says smirking, looking me up and down. " Does Rachel know?"

"Not a clue." I say grabbing her by the waist pulling her close to me.

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Rachel's P.O.V
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I don't know why but I have a bad feeling about this. Eli and Autumn are always gone at the same time and go together most places.

I've been planning this for a few weeks. I'm following Eli this time. I need to know what's going on. Maybe I'm just being paranoid.

As soon as Eli is halfway down the road but not of sight I run to my friends car and put it in drive then back out.

"This is it." I whisper to myself. I see Eli's car far in front of me and I stay behind a little. I see him slow down and turn. But not towards his parents house.

The way to the park. Autumn loves the park. I go past the park and pull up in a fast food parking lot. Taco Bell. I sneak around behind the park. Then I see my best friend all over my boyfriend.

And to think I loved either of them. What did I do? Why are they doing this to me? Tears were streaming down my face now. I look in the mirror. My eyeliner is gone and my mascara is smudged.

I notice that I still have on Eli's oversized hoodie on. I wipe all of my face with Eli's sleeve so I can see clearly to get back to Autumn's place.

I just want to wreak the car. I park the car, grab my keys and run in the house before anyone can see me and ask if I'm okay.

Cause I'm not. I'm not O fucking Kay. I unlock the door with my hand shaking. I thought I loved him. I grab a pencil and a piece of paper to write it. My first suicide note.

I wrote:

Faith and Eli,
I saw what you guys were doing at the park. I'm not doing this because of either of you. There's more to it. My life is so pathetic. I don't have a job and I'm having my friends or once was friend and ex boyfriend take care of me.

With everything, struggling with my weight, my low self esteem, being bipolar, and just wanting to just end it all. This is what I grew up to be. A suicidal, depressed, self harming, pathetic teenager. I love you, or so I thought.

I thought you'd never turn your back on me. We were best friends since the 6th grade, when no one liked either of us, we were there for each other.

Eli, I can honestly say you were my first true love. No one has ever made me feel the way you did when I was around you around you.

~~~~~~end of note~~~~~~

We have a lot of medication from when Faith got really sick. We have a whole medicine cabinet full. I go to Faith's room for a blade. She has a whole box of new blades just in case.

I took one since Eli threw mine in the woods. I go back to the bathroom and lock the bathroom door.

My note is on the counter as soon as you walk in the front door. I roll up my shirt and my sleeves and cut. Deeper then I ever have.

You couldn't see my arms or stomach any more. I take out all of the bottles of medicine and force feed myself. I have a large glass of water to rinse them down.

After the 6th bottle and the whole glass of water, I feel light headed and everything turns very blurry. I laugh. Next thing I know I'm on the ground and I fall into a sempiternal pit of darkness.

(I had to do the sempiternal thing😂✌️)