Shining Star (BoyxBoy)

18

Tris’s POV

I remember a point in my life where I denied that I ever had the hots for Pierce. I thought it was just a surge of oestrogen that messed me up. Like maybe the girliness inside of me was taking over, and making me the way I was.

I am smart, and I pride myself in that, but I can act like a real idiot sometimes. One time, I had a crush on this girl Natalie. She had brown, shoulder length hair, chocolate brown eyes and fairly tan skin. She had a sweet voice and a smile that lit up a room instantly. I know, very cliché, but that is what I thought at the time.

When you like someone, you don’t see any of the bad stuff. It’s sort of like the cuticle of a leaf. It’s invisible. I only saw the good things about her. She was smart, athletic, and had a passion for poetry. She was perfect, and I was too nervous to ask her to be my girlfriend, or to even tell her that I liked her, because who’s going to go out with a nerd? Don’t get me wrong, I love my nerdiness (making up a lot of adjectives today) but I don’t think other people feel the same way.

Everyone in school at that time adopted this ‘desirable’ façade and it annoyed me, mostly because I wouldn’t conform, and it pissed everybody off. Whenever somebody looked at me, they would assume that all I ever do is talk about school and read books thicker than Dwayne Johnson’s bicep. Yeah, I wore glasses and yeah I was a little short for my age, and yes, I needed to build some muscle…I forgot where I was going with this, but the point is that I was not the stereotype that they thought I was.

Natalie was a real challenge for me. I was going to show everybody that I wasn’t just some nerd. Guess what happened?

She rejected me, but in the most polite way. It was insulting really. She spoke to me like I was a child. She said that it was cute that I tried though. I wanted to hit her in the face with one of those Dwayne Johnson books.

Pierce was a crush after Natalie, but I didn’t make the same mistake as I with Natalie. I kept my feeling to myself, and settled with being friends with Pierce. We soon became best friends, and eventually, the kiss in the car during the storm in New York City happened.

Then there was Amy. With my hopeless love life, I would be surprised if she even considered giving me a chance. I was really hopeless, and having all this self-doubt was really not helping.

I still have feelings for Pierce, but maybe dating Amy would make them go away. I wasn’t trying to hurt her, believe me, but not trying thongs out with her felt like a stab in my chest a hundred times over.

Pierce is someone that’s difficult to get out of my head. He’s constantly in there. I painted a picture in my head, and thought I knew him well because of that. I saw what wasn’t there; we clearly were never meant to be, and we weren’t going to work out. Pierce is with Tyler anyway, and getting in the way of that would most likely ruin our friendship. I almost ruined it once before.

I found myself standing in front of Amy’s house, building up the courage to walk up to the door, and knock. Amy is tough, she’s funny, she’s dark, she’s crazy but she is beautiful. Despite all her flaws (which I can clearly see) I want to try things out with her. I feel like when two people date, they should not be oblivious to each other’s faults. That’s what I think love should be, loving someone despite all the bad things, being able to look past all the baggage, and not being unable to see all the baggage. I feel like there is a certain distinction (which I just can’t figure out).

I hope Amy wants to try us out, even after the crap I pulled. This group barely survived what I did, and I’m not sure this survival is meaningful. What I mean by that is I am not all that sure that our group is going to make it any further than it has. People lose touch as they grow up, they start doing their own things, and suddenly, they never existed in the first place. It could happen when we all go off to University, or when we get jobs, or it could happen sooner than that. It’s an inevitability, like death.

I really don’t want us to split up, so if I can get Amy, maybe we will stick around each other, even if we break up.

I’m overthinking this.

I take a deep breath in, and walk up to the dark, wooden door, and knock on it a little too hard. I hear shuffling inside, and then footsteps.

“Who is it?” I heard a familiar female voice yell.

“Um…It’s me, Tris,” then silence. I was starting to think that this entire thing was a mistake. I think she meant it when she said that she wanted just to be friends.  Maybe she said that to avoid all the crap that might come our way.

The door opened, and Amy stood in front of me. She wore a pair of tight fitting jeans, coupled with a nice pair of running shoes. She also wore a blouse that exposed part of her lower stomach. She also wore her hair in a half-up half-down ponytail, like the one Ariana Grande used to sport.

“Hey, what’s up?” she asked, genuinely confused.

“Um...well, I have something to tell you as soon as my body stops sweating so profusely,” I said, mentally face palming myself for being a dumb fuck. I felt like I was using the metric system for the first time.

“Okay…weird, but what do you need to tell me?” she asked.

“I like you a bunch. I wanna date you. I like you so much it hurts. I’m tempted to make a Grey’s Anatomy reference, or to build you a house of candles, but I know for a fact that Meredith didn’t do that by herself…and I’m rambling…okay well, yeah, I want you to be my future Valentine’s date.”

She paused for a little bit, and then leaned on the door frame, and with a sigh said, “Shut up you stupid idiot, let’s date already.”