The Beginning to Our End

Chapter 26

Song: 'Hostage' by Billie Eilish

Oh hi! Ummmm so in this chapter Ally will be very harshly self deprecating towards herself and I'm not sure if that's a trigger for anyone but if it is this is your warning. I'd hate to allow anyone with this possible trigger to go in blindly and suffer because of it. This is a nice shirt 3 chapter to ease ourselves back into everything, I hope you all enjoy!

APOV

7:00 PM

I'm standing outside the house, our house and oddly enough I'm too afraid to walk through that door. There's a large chance that if I step across that threshold, my life could change for the worse. It could also change for the better... hell it couldn't change a bit and that thought scares me more than anything. I want to be with my family but it feels too weird it's almost as if I'm just a visitor who comes and goes as I please. In the corner of my eye I see a curtain move, I'm suddenly extremely aware of my own body's emotions. My heart is racing, my palms are sweaty, knees are weak and my breathing is elevated. I can't do this, the world around me fades and it's just me now I'm all I can see.

I can't go in there.

I can.

She hates me, I'm sure of it.

She has no reason to hate you.

I could've given her one. She thinks I'm crazy.

She thinks you're amazing.

I'm too much of a burden for her.

You're not a burden to her, you're a blessing.

Bullshit.

True shit.

But what if she-

She won't.

But she could d-

And yet she hasn't.

I hear something outside of myself it's muffled and bubbly almost like the voice is underwater. It slowly starts to get clearer the voice becoming recognizable, I'm aware of my physical body I can feel it. There's something on my face like a hand cupping my cheek softly. Something is gripping my arm carefully like it's a piece of glass, I assume it's also a hand but I still see me. I'm stuck here. The voice is louder and clear I recognize it, the beautiful tonal shifts, mixed with a slight rasp and a hint of concern that's her. I try to talk I feel my lips move but it comes out as a whisper.

A- Stevie?
S- Ally can you hear me? Are you ok?

7:45 PM

I can't see myself anymore I can see everything but also nothing.

S- Ally blink twice if you understand me.

I feel my eyes focus and dart around the room I feel her but I can't see her. She sounds like she's in front of me, it's like I'm looking right through her... like she's invisible.

S- Ally...

The tone is softer now almost a whisper.

S- Come back to me.

I blink, nothing.

S- You can do it.

I blink again, nothing.

S- Take your time, I'm right here.

I close my eyes.

S- Breathe.

I open them slowly. Brown eyes.

S- Hey, you're back.

I see her. The heat from her hands fills the areas they occupy, it feels nice. She's so close to me now her eyes scan me with concern and worry she looks me over and seems content with what she sees.

S- We need to cover you up.

I nod absentmindedly I suddenly feel cold and wet. I'm drenched in water, I hear a heavy downpour in the distance. Stevie returns with a towel and wraps me in it rubbing my arms, my legs give way but she catches me.

S- Woah woah woah it's alright, I've got you.

We slowly reach the floor I'm leaning against her, her arms wrapped around me.

S- Why were you just standing in the rain?

My body shivers I don't respond, my vision starts to blur.

S- Shhhhh it's ok.

She's rocking me in her arms. My thoughts come back, I can't stop them.

A- I'm a terrible person.
S- You're not a terrible person.

My cheeks are wet and warm.

A- I'm a horrible wife and mother.
S- You're a wonderful wife and mother.

8:15 PM

I'm crying. I can feel my muscles involuntarily tighten.

A- I can't do anything right, all I do is mess up everything.

There's silence, it's deafening. Her rocking doesn't stop one of her hands caress my wet hair while the other is rubbing my back.

A- You should've left me there, saved yourself. You hate me I know you do I can feel it. You don't love me anymore we're too distant it's too late for us. I don't want it to be, tell me it's not too late.
S- It's not to-
A- Don't say it if you don't mean it, don't give me false hope.

She sighs and separates us. She makes me look her in the eyes as she places both her hands on my cheeks.

S- I don't hate you Allyson, I love you with every fiber of my being. It's not too late for us I want you, I want us. We can work through whatever this is together. I will not leave you to deal with it alone.

She places a kiss on my forehead lingering for a short while. Resting her forehead on mine she drags her thumbs along my cheeks and takes a deep breath.

S- We're in this together forever.
A- Promise?

I slowly extend my pinky into her field of vision.

A- No matter what?

Her right hand removes itself from my left cheek, the loss of heat causing goosebumps.

S- No matter what, I'm gonna be right by your side.

Our pinkies interlock as she kisses her end and I follow suit. She stares into my eyes the moment being so quiet relaxes me, I'm comfortable. I finally feel at peace in my home for the moment.

S+A- I love you.

In fear of it ending I slowly lean in closing the gap between us. Our lips connect, the kiss is slow and sweet. It's so gentle like we don't want to break each other. My left hand finds its way to Stevie's right cheek deepening the kiss. It's magical, I feel warm complete even, as if nothing else matters. I'm at peace with myself for the first time in a long time.

-
Wouldn't it be crazy if the bad guys from the fir- nah that's crazy talk I won't even finish such an insane thought. Any whoosit I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter it was my favorite one to write so far mostly due to its wording. What'd you think? Did you have a favorite part? Let me know maybe we could chat about it, alright I've gotta go y'all stay warm. It's been real!

Written on: Sunday November 17th, 2019 at 3:40 AM EST
Published on: Monday November 25th, 2019 at 12:00 AM EST