His Lily(Curvy Series : 1) (Completed)✓

chapter 15

Lily pov//

I was out of mind, definitely out of mind when I thought about making peace with him, become friends again for Liliana's sake. But no, he has gone mad, how dare he? How dare he kissed me? what really he think of himself? Did he really think if he just kisses me then everything will be sorted out? I will fall myself on him, into his arms again? I thought if I talk to him peacefully then he will definitely listen to me and we would become on good terms and then there will no problem in raising our daughter. But he, that damn crazy man dare to claim me by kissing me. I shouldn't have met him alone, I should have talked with him in the morning while at least his mom would have been there, then the thing didn't have to happen. And me, it's really my fault, I am the worst. It was all me who fell in love with him, it's me who beg for one chance, it's me who got hurt, it's me who didn't protest while he was kissing me, it's my body who react lustfully around him, it's me who's body was always ready for his touch as if its belong to him. I mean don't I have any shame? am I that desperate?

After all those words he threw at me, the pain he gave me wasn't it enough? enough to give a lesson to my body, to my brain, to my heart? Did I want to hit myself to punish me, forgive myself so easily to him, to kiss him back, to still have feelings for him? Why I am sticking to that person why am I not seeing jake who was always there, there to care, there to make all my pain away, there to stop anything or anyone who or which can hurt me, who never let his ego, his money come between us, who always respect me, my decision, who always devour my body where everyone taunts me to have a curvy body. I want to love him, oh god I want to love him, I want to forget that man who pushes me from the cliff while he should have been saved me from falling. I want to love that man who saved me. He is the king who knows how to treat his queen in every aspect.

I am now standing on the balcony. It's 5 am and I am still awake. I couldn't sleep for the whole night after last night's incident. Jake is not here because he had to go for some important business deal. He didn't want to go but I forced him and he knew he can't say no to me. And that time I didn't know this is going to happen because when jake left for his business meeting in San Diego then I went to Liliana's house and at night this thing happened. I am controlling myself to burst out anytime. I don't want to cry, don't want to be hurt. I don't want to touch my lips because it reminds me of his lips which were on my lips some hours ago, how his lips were eating, sucking, nibbling my lips hungrily, and I was doing the same. I feeling like I am cheating with jake. Though we are not in a relationship which is my fault but still he doesn't deserve this. I don't deserve him. Why....just why my life became this much complicated?was this all my fault?was it my fault to fall for my ex-best friend? I think it was? I think I shouldn't have come here then I wouldn't have felt like this again.

I don't know what I was thinking while kissing him back...(sigh) I don't know. I think I became like an old lily who used to crave her Chris touch. But no, I am not that lily anymore. I have to remind myself that I am lily, the famous YouTuber, dancer, inspiration to all of her fans, she has someone who adores her, devour her everything. She doesn't need anyone or anything else.

Right now I don't know I want to talk with jake. I am missing him. If he was here with me right now he would have been tried to make my mood better, by making jokes, tickling me, kissing my weak spots, making love to me. He knows what he is doing. He knows that I am not into commitment but he never complains. I feel so bad, sometimes I really behave like a bitch just to make him go away from me. But he being him, whatever I make him feel bad but he acts like a shameless businessman who knows how to hold his loved ones or things tightly to his life. And I am one of them, maybe the special one. Sometimes whenever he fell asleep on my chest or beside me, I just stare at his face, then caress it. How do I get so that lucky to have this man, also without any commitment?