Dark Poetry

Issues

My mother used to tell me,
"You're the kind of person that makes everyone's problems your own."
Is it bad to care?
Is it so terrible that I want to make people better?
I would want someone like that,
Someone who'd put me first,
Love every flaw that is me.
But perhaps my mother is right,
Maybe I care too much.
Maybe the reason I stay up crying,
The reason I want to die,
Is because I want to make them better?
It's because of the disappointment,
The pain of failure when they relapse,
The nausea I feel when they lie.
I just want to make you better,
But deep down I know I can't fix you.
Why do I keep trying?
I thought after last time I'd stop caring,
But I still want to fix everyone,
To be the guardian angel.
Why?
Am I that insecure?
Do I always have to be the first choice,
Or be told that I'm needed?
Why am I so selfish?
Is it because I felt replaced as a child?
Or because my only friend came to hate me?
Why aren't the ones who actually care enough for me?
Why can't I just be happy?
Why do I still feel so insignificant?
I both want to die and to live.
I want to hurt myself but I don't.
What do I do when nothing is enough?
I'm so tired of feeling this way.
I want the pain to go away
Please, someone make it stop
Looks like I'm more fucked up than I realized.