He opened the door and stepped through it, softly closing the door behind him before quickly walking down the hall and away from me, leaving me and his daughter behind as he chased a love that he had only known for a couple of months but was willing...
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Chapter 2 - Nyctophilia
the love of darkness or night; finding relaxation or comfort in the darkness
That night, as I laid on the blow up mattress that we'd bought whilst out, I just couldn't bring myself to sleep.
My eyes were aching, almost burning but no matter how tired I was my brain just didn't want to turn off and let me get the much-needed rest that i desperately craved. I'd always found it hard to sleep at night, often staying awake until the sun rose in the morning as if I were some sort of nocturnal animal.
It wasn't that I was scared or upset about anything, quite the opposite actually.
The night always provided a nostalgic feeling, one that always made me want to burst into tears and swoon with happiness at the same time. I had used it as a blanket for most of my life to protect myself from what I feared or worried about, loosing myself in the millions of stars that laid above me, winking mischievously.
Hana would've thrown a fit if she would have found me awake that late at night, well, early in the morning shall I say.
It was approximately 4am and I hadn't even slept a wink, too busy watching the moon slowly descend in the sky whilst allowing the sun to come up.
Watching sunsets had always been something that me and my mum would do on a school morning whilst sipping coffee, hot chocolate in my case, whilst munching on toasted bagels.
Me and him used to watch the stars too, right at the beginning of whatever we had going on. I didn't know whether to call it a relationship or not, never having really gotten reassurance that we were together from him. It wasn't like he acted like he had a girlfriend though, constantly meeting other people, even though he swore that they were only friends.
Surprisingly, it wasn't me that called things off at the end. Everything was always on his terms.
"You look like you were up partying all night, no sleep love?" Hana sighed as I trudged into the kitchen after managing an hour of forced, restless slumber.
I didn't even have to look in a mirror to know that I looked terrible, the feeling of exhaustion in my body telling me more than I needed to know.
"It's not good for you, staying up all night as if you're still a wreck less teenager. You're going to be a mum, this can affect the little sprog too y'know?" Hana sighed, pouring me a glass of milk as she had been doing ever since I began staying with her.
It was crazy how much time she had spent researching pregnancies. I couldn't even drink coffee or eat eggs anymore because Hana didn't want me taking any risks.
"Can't help it, you know i've always been incapable of sleeping when it comes to the night. It's like i'm an owl or something, only wanting to sleep throughout the day." I chuckled, after downing the milk in one go, grimacing at the taste and sick feeling in left in my gut.
I'd always hated drinking milk.
"I guess you're right. You should catch up on some Z's whilst i'm out shopping, I won't be long." Hana said as she places her cup and plate full of bread crumbs next to the sink so that I could wash them later.
We had both compromised that if Hana did the shopping and things that I was incapable of, I would do pretty much everything else. Nodding to her words, I hugged her goodbye as she rubbed my back, telling me how I was always going to have her, no matter what happened.
Deciding that my mattress wasn't good enough, I decided to crash in Hana's instead.
She wouldn't mind anyway.
It smelled like her and I found myself cuddling her pillow, calmed by the scent of her perfume that seemed to follow her around like a little raincloud. I'd always been addicted to scents and a person's personal fragrance.
It was one of the reasons why it had been so awful to part with him.
I rested my hands on my tummy, a barely noticeable bump having formed on my body which was strange but reassuring at the same time.
There wasn't any movement from the baby yet, due to me being only around 3 months pregnant which was too soon for the baby to even be big enough to kick up a fuss that I could feel. Every so often though I would feel a tiny flutter from deep within, an event that only happened when I spoke directly to the baby.
It was like the child was giving me a sign that it would always be with me.
"You're a little miracle, I can't wait until you're out in the world with me in my arms," I began, smiling fondly down at my skin, "I'm going to give you the world and everything that I have to offer. My soul purpose now is to keep you safe and happy. Nothing else matters to me."
Those words stirred up a memory from long ago, one that almost made me stop breathing and my heart to skip a beat.
"Nothing else matters to me but you Minnie! Why can't you see that?" He had stressed as I walked away from him, cradling myself and the broken pieces that was my mentality.
I didn't turn to look at him, just continuing to walk away in order to get home as quickly as I could. I was hurt, so very hurt. "Stop running away from me and let me explain!"
"Explain what? Explain that you don't want me anymore and that you found someone better? To explain that i'm no longer a priority of yours? No thanks Joon, I would rather just walk away and protect myself from that kind of pain." I'd shot back, unable to stop myself but cursing once I realised how weak I sounded.
I had come to learn that Namjoon thrived off of such emotions, loving that he had the power to reduce people to nothing.
"You really think i'm going to just let you leave me like this? I love you Min, I will always be by your side!" He had shouted as he caught up to me and span me around so that I was facing him, connecting his lips with mine in a kiss that made me feel reassured and needed, even if I had just caught him cheating on me.
Thinking about that memory made tears spill down my cheeks and sobs to burst from my mouth, my body shaking with each desperate cry that left me.
"Where are you now then? Why aren't you by my side now?" I'd whispered to myself, voice cracking and wavering as I held myself together in the only way I could, cradling myself until I eventually passed out due to exhaustion.
