He opened the door and stepped through it, softly closing the door behind him before quickly walking down the hall and away from me, leaving me and his daughter behind as he chased a love that he had only known for a couple of months but was willing...
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Chapter 8 - Eccedentesiast
Someone who hides pain behind a smile
"I'll leave the three of you to have some privacy. Text me when you're free Minnie, I want to take you for dinner." Hana said as to break the unbearable silence that had fallen between me, her and Namjoon who had just arrived.
I hadn't expected him to come, not on such short notice anyway but he had made it happen. It was then that I decided that maybe Namjoon was going to be better for Dawon, better than he had every been for me.
I gave her a soft smile and nodded before waving, chuckling as she blew an exaggerated kiss my way before quickly dashing out of the front door.
No words were shared between the two of us, almost as if we had suddenly lost the ability to speak. It had never been so awkward between the two of us but I knew that it wouldn't be the last occasion in which we were.
"C-Can I hold her? I didn't get the chance to in the hospital, didn't feel right without your permission." Namjoon spoke so quietly that I almost didn't hear him, wincing slightly as I did.
I nodded wordlessly and walked over to Minnie's Moses basket, gently picking her up as to not disturb her before handing her over to Namjoon who expertly held her in a way that caused me to be at ease.
Growing up with younger siblings had meant that Namjoon was quite educated on how to handle babies and it was nice to see him in his element, softly cooing to her whenever she began to stir and cry.
When it came to feeding her a bottle, Namjoon softly coaxed the nipple of the bottle between her lips until she accepted it and began to softly suckle, tiny hands stretched outwards to latch onto Namjoon's large thumb.
"This maybe isn't the right time to say this but I'm going on tour in 3 weeks." Namjoon said, looking up at me as he'd originally been looking down at Dawon. I hadn't expected him to say anything more to me and couldn't understand why he was telling me. I wasn't a part of his life anymore, he didn't need to explain anything to me as if I was. "It's only for a month but I felt like I should tell you."
"Hope you have fun, you always wanted to travel and share your music. This will be good for you." I replied after a moment of silence that was less awkward than the rest.
Smiling to himself, Namjoon nodded at my words and returned to looking down at Dawon who was coming to the end of her milk.
Suddenly, the harsh melody of a phone ringing tore through the apartment and scared Dawon who instantly began to bleat, tiny fists covering her face.
It was Namjoon's.
Taking Dawon from him so that he could answer his phone, I walked into my room and retrieved an extra blanket before entering the living room once more.
The way that Namjoon's eyebrows were frowned inwards told me that the conversation on the phone wasn't going well with whoever was on the other end of the line.
"I don't have time for this right now Tae. Call me later when you've calmed down and willing to speak rationally." Namjoon snapped before pulling his phone away from his ear and stuffing it back into his pocket, sighing before directly making eye contact with me.
I didn't say anything, simply offering a lift of my lips as I sat on the couch with Dawon, cradling her close to my chest as she burrowed deeper into the blankets that were surrounding her.
"I-I'm sorry you had to hear that." Namjoon said hesitantly from the same position he'd been standing in whilst in the phone. I shrugged in reply, genuinely not caring but Namjoon didn't seem to realise that. "I'm here to spend time with Dawon and my personal shit shouldn't have come between that."
"You don't have to explain yourself Joon, I don't care." I replied, cursing at myself for reverting back to the fond nickname I had given him right at the beginning of our relationship.
Namjoon nodded and bit his lip, looking around the room as if looking for a way to escape the awkwardness that fell over us. "You can leave if you want to, you don't need to stay."
For a second I thought that he was going to stop, telling me that he wants to be with me but then I remembered that he didn't love me anymore and that the only connection we had was Dawon.
Quickly distracting myself from those type of thoughts, I busied myself with getting up and making myself a cup of tea, not even bothering to ask Namjoon as I knew that he didn't like tea and was most likely about to leave.
"Y-Yeah, I need to get going anyway. It was nice seeing the both of you. I- Goodbye Minerva." Namjoon sighed before turning and leaving out of the front door, shutting it quietly as he went.
Once he had left I felt like I could breathe again, letting all tension leak from my bones and allowing my body to position itself comfortably. The muscles in my legs and arms ached due to being clenched for such a long time.
Whilst sipping on my freshly brewed tea, I placed Dawon into her Moses basket and retrieved my phone from my pocket, proceeding to text Hana and let her know that we were now free to have lunch.
Seeing Namjoon in my home environment had been weird and I hadn't liked it, eager for him to leave in hopes that everything would go back to how it was.
Little had I known that nothing would ever be the same with Namjoon back in my life.
