He opened the door and stepped through it, softly closing the door behind him before quickly walking down the hall and away from me, leaving me and his daughter behind as he chased a love that he had only known for a couple of months but was willing...
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Chapter 4 - Monophobia
The fear of being alone
Only two weeks after that night on the sofa watching the sad movie, I began to feel sharp pains across my stomach, ones that left me breathless and crying out in pain.
The doctors tried to assure me that it was normal for woman to experience pre-contractions a month or so before the baby was actually due but I was worried, a gut feeling telling me that something was horribly wrong.
"It's getting worse Hana, I don't know what to do!" I had cried, doubled over and groaning every couple of minutes when the pains returned.
It seemed that she didn't know what to do either, choosing to hold my hand and rub my back whilst whispering words of encouragement into my ear.
"It's all going to be okay just don't panic because that will make it worse. Just think, another month- Oh my god, your water just broke!" Hana gasped, watching the fluid drip down my legs earlier than it ever should have.
Panicking, I began to sob into Hana's shoulder as she wrenched her phone out of her pocket and immediately called the emergency services, stuttering and mixing her words up as she talked to the operator.
"Yes , hello, I need an ambulance to 843 Mono Lane? My friend's water just broke but she's not due for another month! Don't panic? Are you insane! Please hurry!" Hana shouted before slamming her phone onto the counter and telling me to breathe, showing me how to do it as it was supposed to take my body out of the state of shock it had put itself into.
"I'm scared." I whispered, eyes wide with tears still dripping down my face in an unstoppable river.
"I know baby, I know but I'm here so nothing bad is going to happen." Hana reassured me, squeezing my hand and giving me the most encouraging smile that she could muster in the given circumstances.
It didn't make me feel better though as I cried harder once a particularly sharp pain shot through my body, stealing my breath from my lungs and causing me to cry out.
It took a whole entire ten minutes for the ambulance to arrive, the paramedics rushing into the apartment to lift me on to a stretcher.
The entire way to the ambulance, Hana clutched my hand in hers and spoke calmly to the people who were helping me, telling them all she knew about my pregnancy and why this could have happened.
I was so lucky to have her.
What did I do to deserve her?
"You're going to be having a baby Minnie, your own child! I still can't believe you didn't want to find out the gender, I bet it's eating you up inside!" Hana said soothingly as the ambulance began to move, her hand stroking strands of sweaty hair away from my forehead which was dripping in sweat.
My body was screaming for me to push and push but I didn't dare, not knowing if the baby would be harmed or not.
I couldn't bring myself to answer her as yet another contraction tore through my body and left me unable to speak, desperately clutching on to Hana's hand as if it were the only thing that was keeping me tied to that reality.
There wasn't anything that Hana could do to stop it and I think that is what bothered her the most, her lack of ability to make me feel better with what was going on.
I wasn't stupid, it was always dangerous for babies to be born prematurely, a higher risk of health issues and possible death. Though I hadn't been happy about my pregnancy in the beginning, I had come to love the idea of being responsible for a tiny life, a life that had formed inside of me and grown along with me.
It was chaos when they got me out of the ambulance, many doctors trying as hard as they could to get me inside as quickly as they possibly could so that they could help me faster.
There was something wrong and everyone could tell, blood beginning to seep from between my legs faster than it should've ever been. The crease of concern in the main doctor's eyebrows is what really made me lose it, my breathing quickening as I nearly began to have a panic attack.
Hana had been told to wait outside in the waiting room as she obviously wasn't family or the father of my child.
He was nowhere to be seen, probably living it up in a sunny holiday destination as he had always dreamed of doing. I was definitely the last thing on his mind and he didn't even know about the baby.
I hadn't wanted to tell him, not wanting him to feel obliged to be with me just because I was carrying his child.
"Nurse Winter could you please perform an epidural? It says here that this is what she opted for when she went to her last scan. I want this birth to be as natural as possible, even if the outcome may be less than that." The doctor declared as my legs were lifted up and my waist slightly turned so that they could access my back.
I didn't struggle, slightly wincing when the nurse placed the needle on my back and injected the numbing substance into my skin. It didn't take effect straight away but when it did everything felt just a little bit calmer.
"Okay now Minerva, I'm going to need to ask you to push my love. There's gas and air if you need it but we really need you to start the process if we are going to help you." One nurse spoke softly from the bottom of the bed, smiling softly.
She'd already checked how dilated I was, a concerning 7 centimetres but there was no more time to wait for me to stretch even more.
Doing as I was told to, I began to push with all of my might, sweat and tears falling down my face due to the effort I was putting in to my thrusts.
Large screams and grunts of pain left my mouth as the baby seemed to move inside of me, slowly popping it's head out from where it needed to be, a relieved sigh leaving my mouth and a dazed feeling rushing throughout my head.
That was when the alarms went off, a large beeping sound piercing through my skull.
It was as if all of my reactions were delayed, my head turning to look at the monitor beside me a couple of seconds after I had actually wanted to.
The doctors around me were panicking and I could tell, their mouths speaking wide, clear words that my ears just couldn't register, their eyes seeming like they were trying to bring me back from the brink of death.
Somehow, they managed to retrieve my baby from between my legs and carry it away before I could get a glimpse of what it looked like.
I desperately wanted to call them back and beg them to bring it to me but I couldn't, my arms and mouth feeling as if they were being dragged down.
Nothing in my body was working, not even my eyes.
"The father is here, Kim Namjoon?" Was the last thing I heard before my body completely shut off and my head hit the pillows with a soft thud, only increasing the panic around me but I was already unconscious.
