Amanda's Rape

Trial

5 WEEKS LATER
Nick and I woke up at an early hour. Trial began today and we didn't want to miss it. It was set for 8:00 am. We looked at the clock and it was already 6:55. We immediately got up and put on decent clothes. We went out into the kitchen and Nick made breakfast as I turned on the TV. A baby commercial had come on and then it hit me.
Me: Nick. NICK!
Nick turned around startled.
Nick: What?!
Me: It's been six weeks! I can take the DNA test now!
Nick looked at me with happiness but there was a bit of fright. I couldn't blame him. I was scared out of my wits wondering who's baby this is.
Nick: When are you going to take it?!
Me: After trial today. We don't have time to do it now.
20 minutes later, Nick and I were out the door. We stopped by the precinct since we still had time to spare. Olivia, Elliot, Fin, and Munch sat at their desks doing absolutely nothing.
Me: Slow day I'm guessing?
I made everyone in the room jump and we all started laughing.
Olivia: Yeah actually it is. Where are you two headed?
Me: Trial..
Olivia: Oh yeah I forgot...how are you doing Amanda? Really?
Me: I'm fine I guess...a little worried...
Fin: Don't be. It'll be okay.
Me: Thanks Fin.
Nick checked his watch a few moments later and it had read 7:55.
Nick: Oh shit! We better get going!
We said our goodbyes and sprinted out of the precinct and over to the courthouse just in time for the start of trial. Little did I know that everyone else came bustling in after us taking seats on either side of Nick and I.
Me: Thanks for coming guys. Means a lot.
Elliot: No problem.
First thing that happened, they made me testify first. My heart sunk as they called me to the stand. All the things that I wanted to be kept private, was about to be shared with 12 people of a jury, the judge, Barba, Simon, Simon's jackass of an attorney, my co-workers, my fiancé, and the others in the courtroom. This sucks.
I stepped into the stand, sat down, and swallowed hard. I was so scared.
Barba: Detective Rollins, can you please tell the court what happened to you the night you were attacked?
"Here it goes" I thought to myself.
Me: Well I had an incident in the squadroom and..
Barba cut me off.
Barba: What kind of incident?
Me: Some crazy mad man stormed in the room and knocked me over making me hit my head off the ground. After that, as I was walking home I got the strangest feeling that someone was following me. I turned around to see and no one was there. I walked a little further then I heard footsteps so I turned around and attempted to pull my gun but before I could he pulled one on me.
Barba: Who is "he"?
Me: Simon. Simon Marsden.
Simon was grinning wider than ever. I looked over at Olivia and her face was red with fury. I could tell she wanted to beat the living hell out of her brother.
Barba: Go on.
Me: He pulled me into an alley and slammed me against the wall. My head started the bleed and I slid down the wall. I started screaming for help and he slapped my across the face and said "Shut up you stupid bitch.". After that he pulled down my pants and panties and he r-r-raped me.
I started crying on the stand. I looked at Nick and he had a tear rolling down his cheek too.
Barba: That sounds horrible detective...I'm sorry to hear that. No further questions your honor.
Barba sat down and Simon's attorney stood up and walked over to me.
Simon's attorney: What happened to you was tragic. But my client is not the one who assaulted you.
Me: WHAT DO YOU MEAN HE ISNT THE ONE WHO ASSAULTED ME?! HIS DNA WAS INSIDE ME AND HE EVEN CONFESSED! ARE YOU STUPID OR SOMETHING?!
Judge: Ms. Rollins control yourself. I won't have any outbursts like that in my courtroom.
Me: Sorry your honor..
Judge: Please continue counselor.
Simon's attorney: Are you sure the DNA didn't get contaminated somehow?
Me: No. My precinct has a great ME she would make sure nothing like that happened.
Simon's attorney: People do make mistakes. No further questions.
Judge: You may step down detective.
I stood up from the chair and sprinted out of the room. Nick ran after me.
Me: I think I'm going to be sick.
I said that hurtling over clutching my stomach. Nick grabbed me and hugged me.
Nick: You're okay. You're okay.
Me: No. I'm not okay Nick. That was so horrific. You don't understand.
Nick: Yes I do understand. I understand completely. Do you want to go home?
Me: No. I want to hear what that sick bastard has to say.
We walked back into the courtroom and sat back down at our seats. Simon was at the stand.
Barba: Mr. Marsden. Can you please tell what your events were that night?
Simon: Well. I saw this most gorgeous woman leaving the building where my sister, Olivia Benson, works. She was so pretty I couldn't help myself. I had my gun with me and I couldn't help myself. My body got the best of me.
Barba: Your body...got the best of you. What is that supposed to mean?
Simon: I couldn't help myself. I had to have her.
Barba: Mhm. Sure. Go on.
Simon: I followed her a few blocks down away from the place I saw her leave so no one would hear her scream.
My stomach twisted and his words. I wanted to stand up and start cursing at him but I decided it was best not to.
Simon: She turned around and reached for her gun but I had already had mine on her. I grabbed her by the arm and pulled her in the alley. I slammed her against the wall and she fell to the ground. I had complete control.
Simon was grinning now.
Simon: I removed her pants. She was so gorgeous. I slid myself inside her and she was crying. It was amazing.
Barba: You are a sick twisted prick you know that.
Judge: Mr. Barba!
Barba: Sorry. Simon, how do you think you affected Detective Rollins?
Simon: I bet I rocked her world.
He looked at me and smiled. My insides churned and I started crying. Nick pulled me closer to him.
Barba: Look at her! Do you see her crying? Do you see the way you have harmed her? No? Well, I can assure you she is broken and doesn't even want to leave her own home anymore because of what you did to her. She Ben tried committing suicide. I hope you're happy.
Simon: She what? I did t hurt her! She loved it! Isn't that right sweetheart?
He looked at me. I couldn't help myself any longer. I stood up and exploded.
Me: DONT YOU EVER CALL ME THAT! I AM NOT YOUR GIRLFRIEND! YOU ARE SICK! I WANTED TO DIE AFTER WHAT YOU DID TO ME! I DIED IN THE AMBULANCE ON THE WAY TO THE HOSPITAL! I HAD TO GO THROUGH A 6 HOUR RAPE KIT! I WISH I WOULD HAVE STAYED DEAD! I HATE YOU! I HOPE YOU BURN IN HELL!
Judge: Officers, remove her from my courtroom.
Me: No need sir. I'm leaving!
I stood up and sprinted out of the room. I ran into the bathroom and locked the door. I sat on the floor and cried. I heard people pounding on the door. It sounded like Nick and Olivia but I didn't care who it was. I wanted to be left there to die.
Me: GO AWAY!
I shouted as loud as I possibly could but they remained where they were.
Nick: Amanda, baby please come out of there!
Me: Why? I'm not use to the world. I'm just a woman who lets a guy rape her. I might as well just die.
Olivia: Amanda! Don't ever say that! Come on please come out!
I knew they were t going to leave me alone so I got up, unlocked the door and went out. They pulled me into a hug. I was crying harder than I have ever cried before.
Nick: You're fine. Shhhh. Breathe. Breathe.
Nick and I walked home and I ran into the bathroom. I stood in front of the mirror and began silently crying. I couldn't take it anymore. I know that I promised I wouldn't do it again but I had to. I grabbed the razor blades from under the sink. I sliced my wrist all the way up my forearm. I dropped to the floor in pain. I was losing massive amounts of blood but I didn't care. I wanted to die. I began to slowly pass out.
"Good" I thought to myself. "I want to die."