Before all else I want to say to my sister who is lost out here in this darkened world, You are not forgotten. I want to say thank you for all the damaged that we shared growing up. And to all those who are reading this madness of truth of me setback and sip on some tea. This is A Psalm of me. I cannot express how bless I am even in the hardest times of my life, I know Jehovah kept his eyes on me even while I was out bleeding away, It was and is apart of my learning who to get myself pulled together. I feel blessed that I am able to share this, I'm not writing everything in this Psalms of me. But just enough to know why I started writing Dark Angel and Moonlight.
Because it is apart of me, my life is in the write and those painful mistakes that I had made and had to face, It wasn't easy for me to ever want to get close to anyone for very long. So this piece of material is to help the lost sheep. Because I had been lost for a very long time, and "Yes," I had to pay the cost. When I say I am the epitome of a "work in progress" as you can see all over the dang internet my brainstorming poems of drama bleed out all over the place with so many errors, but words of true pains.
I truly mean what I say, "Pains." over the past 40 years I've had to fall really hard just for me to find the true identity that so many were trying to be me. It had been funny at the same time scary. Why, would anyone want to carry that kinda nightmare in their lives as I had? I'm still a "working progress."I had to learn from my childhood life was never easy, and people can be very mean.
The past has taught me so much, I can still hear the voices of many people telling me, you are a woman that is stuck in the past. I had to put a smile on my face and say, "You know I think you are right." I had to grow from the past to face all those fears and pains I had been running from most of my life. In order to do that I really had to call on Jehovah God and Jesus to get me where I am today. I had to realize "Yes," I had come from a broken family, and it is still broken. But that doesn't mean I am as they are. We are each our own person, we think in our own different way, that is our birthright.
I realize so many things about, not only the world around me but also, the infinite worlds that live inside of me. I've had to learn to differentiate between what deserves my energy and what all deserves to be beneath, ( and, or) behind me. I truly had to learn about the things that made me happy that fulfilled my heart, my life. I had to learn the heart can truly miss lead you into making wrong choices, even when my mind was telling me don't do it, its a trap another mistake. Well this human that I am had made those mistakes, and I wish I would have listened to my mind and my spirit at that time. But if I would have, I wouldn't be who I am today.
Let us not forget the things that left me feeling my life didn't matter when I was with my abuser telling me night and day I wasn't even worth to live. This has been truly a nightmare to me, Yet, I finally got away. Yet, I have a sister that is older then I am, but she had gotten lost and it hurts me to know about her own life of darkness, we all have a story and we are never alone. We are called lost sheep. I've had to wonder, often, about whether or not I have an addictive writing problem, If so, I want to keep it. Because I want to help others understand there is always a way out, the first step starts with reaching out to Jehovah God and Jesus Christ our Lord.
You have to really want change, well that's me and that is apart of my story what I write, Dark Angel and Moonlight is about my life that I made fiction. You can see how so many tries to make my story theirs. I would like to say. We all have a story and you must write your own. But never try to take what is someone else work and their own bleeding words. I never wish any agony not on my worsted enemy and I say this to all who reads. I never want my pains to be lived out in someone else life. But what I do want to see, someone learns from their own past, its okay to look back just don't relive in it.
-Judy Emery Copyright © 2006
The Queen Of Darken Dreams Poetic Lilly Emery.
