The Lost and The Found

Chapter 17: In Weakness or In Strength?

It's been about an hour or so and my eyes are still trimmed red as my heart skips a beat every once in while. The cold air fills the space I call home. It lingers on my body sending chills up and down my back. My window is open, that's why.

It's fall and I have my window open.

My legs seem to be stiff and numb but I can't feel them anymore. Oh well. My mind shakes my body a wake and I start moving. My legs swing off my bed and my bare feet touch the cold, hard wood floor. I shuffle over to my window. One at a time I place my knees on the padding of my window seat. I watch as I shut my window. My right hand glides over the windowpane. I find the center and stretch my fingers until the palm of my hand is placed on the glass. It's cold. Slowly I replace my hand by my side, gazing at the handprint. There are lines everywhere. Print after print, I study my hand. I lean back and sit on my legs, staring and wondering. My bed room door glides open and then softly shuts. Small footsteps fill the silence.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm searching..." I say to the unknown voice I hear.

"For what?"

"Something better then this."  I whisper. "I want to wake up in the morning and feel like I deserve to breathe. I rather feel like suffocating most of the time, though."

I feel warmth wrap around my body as my eyes begin to shut. I wish my heart, soul, mind, and body wasn't as cold as this windowpane. I drift into clouds as my body lays to rest.

***

I jolt awake from a sudden nightmarish dream. My heartbeat accelerates and my breathing becomes heavy. It's almost pitch black in my room except for a little moonlight. I'm sweaty and hot and I'm sort of scared. I try and catch my breath.

Warm arms snake around my waist and a warm body presses against my back. "Are you okay?" The voice asks.

I nod slowly and lean back into his chest. My hair falls in front of my face, but he swiftly catches it and places it behind my ear. He hugs my body and kisses a spot behind my ear.

"It was just a nightmare baby girl." He whispers in my ear. "Go back to sleep." He coos against my skin before kissing my cheek.

I lay back down, resting my head and hands on his chest. My eyes slowly start to shut and I drift back to sleep.

***

Rays of sunlight come through my window and kiss my face, awaking me from sleep. I turn and bury my face into his chest just so I can sleep some more but that hardly works. His fingers dab and dance on my arm. They feel smooth when he runs them up and down slowly. I open my eyes just to stare into his. As if he knew what I was going to do he smiled and laughed.

"Good morning," he whispers against my skin with a smile.

"Morning." I whisper back, breathlessly. My eyes catch his and start dancing to the rhythm. They fill with so many emotions I can't hide. I search his eyes in silence as he searches my face.

I dip my head down in embarrassment. I'm clueless. "What happened last night?"

He takes a breath of relief and blows out air. "I came home with you. I wasn't going to let you do anything stupid in public, so I offered to take you home and have us talk about it there. You relapsed for a little bit. Eventually after you took some meds you calmed down and sat in a quiet, depressed state which caused you to relapse again." He sighs, but continues. "After that I gave you a cold bath to soothe you and then you went back to being quiet. Around one I brought you to bed and put you to sleep..."