mixed emotions Aka (own Up To YOUR RESPONSIBLY)

chapter 21

He was so close to me we could kiss although I was scared he looked sexy

"Don't fucking question me"he said but I didn't listen

"Why"I said and right den and there I wish I didn't say anything he grabbed me by the throat choking the shit out of me I tried to break his grip but he didn't budge a tear slipped my eye

"X let me go now"I managed to get out he let me go I dropped to the floor and  caught my breath I looked up at him his eye color changed back to brown but he still looked mad it's nothing new he does it all the time

But he never put his hands on me I got up and wiped my tears and faced him

"Get out"I told him he looked guilty

"Makayla i-gco

"Get out of my house now"I said he sighed and left I cried and broke down in tears

Why would he do that he never put his hands on me before I wanted to call Lena but it's nun of her business and she would just tell ski and ski would tell the whole damn world I mean it's not like he hit me hit me he just choked me it's can't leave a mark I looked at the time

(7:34pm)

I went in promise room and got her bag ready I told my mom she could come over since she wanted to spend time with her I then went in my room put on my shoes and jacket then went in the bathroom and used it then looked in the mirror

"Oh shit"I said looking at the bruise on my neck and I began to breath heavy of fear I put some make-up on my neck and went in promise room and grabbed her bag and picked her up I then went to the car and instead of putting promise in her car seat I laid her in the back seat because she was sleep and I put her bag on the car floor and got in the car and drove off

And turned on the radio

"Who am I? someone that's afraid to let go,you decide if your ever gonna let me know (yeah) suicide if you ever try and let go,I'm sad I know yeah I'm sad I know yeah,I gave her everything she took my heart and left me lonely"x sung on radio

___

I just dropped promise off and I'm now on my way to the hill where me and x last date was I go there when ever I needed to think or talk to myself

__

I pulled up to see a car here I didn't care tho I got out the car and grabbed the pill bottle out my purse and my phone and got out the car and sat down by the cliff I took out a Xanax and swallowing not one but two I then just looked at the world

This is my first time Popping pills but I've heard about Xanax I just needed something stronger then weed something to make me forget

~30 minutes later~
I was dizzy, I couldn't focus, and everything was just blurry I heard a car behind me but I wasn't worried about it I was to high off the Xanaxs

/Flashback/

"123 push"the doctor said and I pushed so damn hard I almost fell out then I felt the body come out and a cry I sighed in relief and the doctor gave me my baby

"It's a girl"the doctor said as I holded my baby I kissed her

"Oh my God she looks just like you"my mom said and Cleo snapped a picture

"Where's jahseh"I asked Cleo her and my mama looked down

"He's not coming"she said sadly I wanted to cry so fucking bad but I held my tears in and looked at the necklace he gave me

"So what's her name"Lena asked me I looked back at the necklace on my neck and smiled

"Promise Aliya Smith onfroy"I said they all cheered my mom was happy as well I thought she'll be pissed that I picked onfroy and not Smith

She has his eyes...

/Flash back over/

/Flashback/

"Ski can you at lease talk to him about it"I asked ski

"I tried he keep saying "I'm not gonna be a good father""ski said I sighed and tears can out my eyes ski hugged me I cried in his chest

"Ill still try makayla... trust me he's gonna be there when you have that baby"ski said I sat up and wiped my tears

"Promise?"I asked him and he smiled

"Promise"he said and hugged me again

/Flashback over/

As I sat there I realized I was crying flashbacks were coming to me back to back the ones I wanted to forget the most were coming back

I then felt a pair of hands touch my shoulders I jumped and turned around it was x

"You scared the shit out of me dickhead"I said to him holding my chest

"Sorry I didn't know you would still come here"he said sitting next to me lighting a joint

"Yeah brings back memories"I said looking at the veiw

"Ha...yeah I guess it does.. I missed this"he said passing me the joint

"But you broke this...you broke us"I said passing the joint back to him He took it and I could tell he felt guilty and sad

"I'm glad you made the right choice to come back and see your daughter"I told him

"Me too I'm sorry I did this to us I was just so afraid of being like my father I realized I was becoming my father"he said I put my hand on his shoulders

"Don't worry your here now for her and that's all that matters"I said and he sighed

"I'm here for you too"he said I removed my hand and placed it in my lap

"Why did you keep it"he asked me I was confused till I followed his.eyes  he was talking about the necklace

"Remember that bond I said we had that couldn't be broke no matter what..that's why I didn't throw it away because I knew you would come back but I was slowly losing hope"I said to him honestly

"Why did you keep the bracelet"I asked him

"It brought back memories it made me want to come back but I wasn't a man so I didn't come back sooner"he said  guilt filled his voice

"I...I want you to...

Tbc