Obstinate

Chapter 4

OBSTINATE
aab•stuh•nuht
adjective

    1    stubbornly refusing to change one's opinion or chosen course of action, despite attempts to persuade one to do so.

August 23,2017

Im currently in my favorite class, chiming into the friendly debate every once and a while.

"Next topic is.. and try to be a little mature about this folks" the professor Burns pulls a tiny folded piece of paper out of the bowl. "Next topic up is Love" he states, receiving boo's. He chuckles, "I dont want a simple answer either. I want your take on the word love and why you view it as such" his eyes roam around the crowd making the class get uncomfortable hoping they won't get picked. I shifts my attention to my notebook and pen. I get this anxious feeling.

"Mulan. Havent heard from you in a while, why dont you join in" the professor gave her a smile which my couldn't tell if it was genuine or fake. I clears my throat shifting in my chair a little. I hate being center of attention.

"Love is a verb" i state simply. "Yes Ms. Anderson it is a verb" my professor agrees as a few students laughed.

"To be honest i never thought about the concept of love." i say looking at the professor who only gestures for me to continue, i sigh mentally rolling my eyes. I think a little about when i even said the word last... couldn't remember.

"Um well I dont really say it and I suppose that's because of an incident that happened that changed me as a person.."

hoping im off the hook.

"Go on" he said.

Now he's starting to piss me off.

"Why was this incident so significant that it changed you?" He questions as he props himself on his desk giving me his undivided attention.

I clear my throat again,

Here it goes.

"uhm my dad kinda left me at a young age so.. i-i think the lack of my fathers presence affected me to where i d-don't really show people how i feel like..like I should.. Hopefully I answered-"

"Love is more than a verb its also a noun..."

Mr. Burns, the professor, head shot up in the direction of the students and so does mine. "Care to explain" Professor Burns asks the student who jus cut me off. I turn around feeling a little upset.

Our eyes immediately met for a split second before his focus went back on the professor. The student doesn't look that much older than me. Maybe we're the same age.

I have to admit he's attractive.

"I've met people who went through the same situation as her" his eyes flicker over to me. I shift in my seat suddenly wanting the black hole to suck me up.

"Instead of pitying yourself better yourself. Take your father absence as a lesson-"

"Lesson of what?"

"Lesson of knowing I probably did something wrong? To fix me?" I genuinely asked.

I remember blaming myself for his absence. Then eventually started blaming my mom.

He sighs sitting back in his chair. "This is why I don't to share"

"People can't handle shit" he harshly states, still holding eye contact with me.

"No share" i insists.

Don't stop participating on my account.

"I honestly want to hear where you were going with this". The class starts to murmur

He eyes me, i guess trying to figure out if I was being honest.

He sucks his teeth before continuing, "Im jus saying instead of being hurt take it as a lesson... Use that to strengthen yourself, give back love even on your worst days. Today, theres a lot of people in this world that get hurt.. rolls up in a ball and gives up on the world thats part of the reason society is failing. People are missing the love so they dish out hate"

So i dish out hate?! Bullshit

"-Now I'm not saying you're full of hate either because on a personal level i don't know you" he finishes, i nod understanding every word.

I never thought of it like that.

"Okay class" Professor Burns claps gaining our attention. I turn around

"Thank you Ms. Anderson and Mr. Gardener"

Mr. Gardener...

The professor looks complete with how todays debating session went. The bell rings.

I quickly pack my things, head out of the door, and made my way back to the dorm room.

I flop down on my bed and quickly fell asleep. With a lot on my brain

I haven't spoken or even thought of my dad in a long time. I did't know how to feel.