Complicated Heart (TaeTee)

The Closure

Tee

I'm not sure what woke me up.

Maybe it's the heat. Or is it the bright light around me? Even without opening my eyes I know it's light. I'm not used to sleeping in the day time when there is still light. Then again why do I feel so pent up, like it's the end of a hectic day? My limbs feel useless. But I know that it's still noon.

My face is buried on a pillow as I slept on my stomach and the scents around me are unimaginably familiar. There's a warm weight over the dip of my waist. Now that I think about it, my whole left side is tucked under something warm.

Someone warm. With a little flip of my belly, I realized who that someone is.

Slowly, I turned my head. My pupils danced before my lids trembled open.

There he is.

Sleeping peacefully, like he hasn't slept in ages. P'Tae's face is just inches away from me looking serene than he'd been in a long time.

My lips curved up in a secret smile. We became one. Now, I'm his and he's mine, in every sense of the word. We did it. He made love to me and I lost my virginity to him. My face heated up, remembering the details.

I touched a finger to his face. His almond eyes, straight nose, scruffy cheeks, and jaw. I traced my fingertips down to his chapped lips, parted slightly, snoring softly. He's healed, we both have healed.

There's no more pain.

P'Tae stirred and rolled away, freeing me from his embrace. I thought he's waking up. But no. He's still in deep sleep. Maybe he'd been needing a rest. He'd been worrying about me too much.

I watched P'Tae's naked back, dark-skinned yet smooth and even in complexion. I suppressed the urge to place my palms over his toned back, to feel the warm skin. I want him to rest more, sleep off the fatigue.

Then I suddenly realized that we are sleeping in the guest bedroom. It doesn't resemble the room it used to be. There's the same bed but the rest of the space is crowded with boxes and lots of other stuff. Basically, everything P'Tae owned and treasured is tucked away in this room, his collection of music CDs, guitars, mics, amps and other electronic equipment including his clothes and shoes. I ran my eyes around the room in wonder. It's like he's ready to move out of here. I already saw that they have sold all the furniture in the living room.

It's over.

P'Tae and P'Ji are really over. I must accept now, especially after what P'Tae said to me, before making love.

He said he loves me.

I bit my lower lip. He loves me. He really loves me. My heart felt light. It's flying with happiness. I didn't think I would ever be this happy. Not that I still don't feel guilty.

I flipped the blanket aside. I'm naked, and I know under that cover P'Tae is the same. I wish I had seen him properly. In my haste to get to him, I really didn't savor our moment, the first time we did it together. I couldn't get my fill. I wanted to touch him, every inch of him and map his muscles with my fingertips. I wanted to worship his body, kiss his tan skin. But we were frantic and desperate. I couldn't do any of that.