Balance ~ Kylo Ren / Ben Solo

Chapter 19

Today we were testing my reflexes and instincts. We were using a few droids for practice and I was flying by the exercises. I literally felt like I was doing everything with my eyes closed so we got through the lessons fairly quickly. I had a few nicks and scrapes from some mistakes I made, but by far my arm was distracting me all day.

I knew I could go to the medical bay and I could be healed immediately or I could ask Kylo to fix it. However, I didn't want to. I didn't want to be weak and resist the pain, I wanted to embrace it and learn to live with it.

My mind was distracted all day, with him. I wasn't sure whether I was upset with him or if I wanted to kiss him endlessly like we had been before. He was so bipolar and I was trying so hard to understand it, but I was struggling to.

It was constantly eating away at me, but if I've seen any trend with him we'll both get angry, there will be an explosion of emotions quite literally, then we'll be fine. It was just hard to see him being so reserved around me. I'd rather him be yelling at me right now, at least I would know where we stood.

"Are you ready to use Force lighting?" He asked.

"I don't know how." I said looking to him. "Isn't that impossible to do, like it's a myth?"

"I know you don't know how." He said walking over towards me. "It's possible and I think you're capable."

"What makes you say that?" I said putting my lightsaber on the table, it had been latched onto my belt, but I clearly didn't need it right now.

"I just have a feeling." He said.

"Can you?" I asked because I'd never seen him do that before. He stuck out his hands and I saw the red veins of electricity jump out his hand and the droid across the room blew up and caught on fire. The sudden explosion caused me to jump back and almost trip. "Don't make it look to easy now."

"You have to gather all the energy around you and focus it into a small ball and then shoot it out. It helps to visualize it." He said putting a hand on my back and walking to the other side of the room. I saw the droid I was about to practice on. I could see other droids waiting in the corner almost as if they were waiting their turn. I would have felt bad, but they were literally made to be destroyed.

"How do I just shoot it out." I asked looking back at him.

"You have to send the energy out through your finger tips, like each and every finger." He said taking a few steps back.

"What if I can't control where it goes?" I asked.

"Don't worry about it, just try it." He said and I took a deep breath.

I closed my eyes and tried to visualize all of the energy forming into a ball and I tried to condense it into a small ball. I could feel the hairs on my back standing up and I reached out my hand aiming it at the droid. I took a deep breath and shot the energy out at the droid but nothing more than a fizzle came out.

"I don't know what I did wrong." I said looking at him. I knew I hadn't tried that hard, but I was more concerned with him. I hated being bothered by him, but the fact of the matter is, that I very much was.

"You need to focus it, like a laser beam." He said timidly.

I turned back around and closed my eyes again. I tried to pull every bit of energy around me and condense it again into an even smaller ball, so small my arm started shaking from squeezing so much. I took a deep breath and reached out my hands as I shot it out once again. Small sparks shot a few inches out from my hand so quickly I couldn't even see what color they were.

"I don't understand-"

"You're conflicted." He said abruptly.

"What?" I said completely turning around to face him. He was leant against a table with his arms crossed.