Just Smile Forever~A Mikaze Ai Fan-Fiction

Harsh Reality?

Somehow, Mr. Saotome had gotten a hold of two canoes, and Reiji-senpai was the one who decided to split the five of us up so that we "could enjoy the scenery to its full potential". He already had his camera ready, and was grinning eagerly as Camus-senpai ended up as the one paddling. Reiji-senpai had also dragged Ranmaru-senpai along with him, insisting that he could teach Ranmaru-senpai a lot about nature. He had also requested Ai-senpai to come, but Ai-senpai had stubbornly refused, saying something about water being something not worth enjoying.

And so that was how Reiji-senpai, Camus-senpai, and a very gloomy-looking Ranmaru-senpai ended up on one canoe, while Ai-senpai and I boarded the other one. Mr. Saotome had somehow disappeared in the process, though we had no idea where he went.

So far, the only sounds I could hear were Reiji-senpai's delighted cries as he took pictures. Though Ai-senpai silently agreed to paddle, we had yet to exchange words.

I gazed out at the still water, watching tiny ripples appear across the surface. Lilypads were floating around the surface, their lotus flowers not yet in full bloom. I sighed, and looked wistfully out at the water. If only it could be like this all the time. I hadn't had this much of peace and quiet in a long time.

"Do you like water?" Ai-senpai's mechanical voice cut through the silence, though his voice sounded equally soothing and calm as the water seemed.

I nodded, "I used to go swimming a while ago. But then...my parents became too busy to drop me off to the swimming pool."

"Swimming..." Ai-senpai murmured, "I wonder how that must feel."

I looked at him, "you've never gone swimming? You should definitely go sometime. I'm sure Reiji-senpai would love to accompany you."

He shook his head, "I don't think I can go swimming." He didn't offer any more explanations, and I didn't want to push it.

After a moment of awkward silence, I tried to change the topic to something he could probably talk more freely about.

"...the lilypads are really pretty." I started hesitantly.

He looked out at the water silently, and I couldn't help but marvel how his teal eyes seemed to reflect the water perfectly.

"They should be prettier in full bloom. It's June, so most of them would be just starting to bloom. We should come here again around late July or early August to see them in full bloom." Ai-senpai noted.

"But the lilypads itself have their own beauty as well," I argued with a smile on my face.

"Really? Scientifically speaking, they should only be pretty when they're in full bloom. This applies to most plants, especially flowers." Ai-senpai mused.

I shrugged, "I guess I've never seen a lotus flower in full bloom, so I wouldn't know what they looked like. So then I wouldn't have anything to compare it to."

Ai-senpai looked at me momentarily with an unreadable expression (as always), and continued paddling upstream.

"Don't you go travelling often? You seem pretty prepared for this trip," he noted warily, and I fought back a smile. From some stroke of luck, I had decided to bring water-proof sunscreen, and sunglasses. I had no idea that I would actually use them, but with the sun beating down on us relentlessly right now, I was so glad for the little bit of shade my sunglasses could provide.

"I read a lot of books," I replied instead, "I learn everything from them."

He hummed thoughtfully, and a ghost of a smile appeared on his face, "books are amazing, aren't they? You can learn so much from them. So many people are using the Internet nowadays to get their information, but I find that I like books more."

" Me too. My dream is to go to a library and be able to read all the books I want to read." I mumbled absently.

Ai-senpai looked at me with a confused expression, "you've never been to a library before?"

I shook my head, " I have, but just not to read the books I want to read. I go there to read the books my parents pick out for me."

He nodded, and didn't say anything else.

I smiled wryly, "but it's funny, because my dad's a computer programmer working for the government. He thinks that all the information in this world could be found on computers."

Ai-senpai looked at me expressionlessly, "your parents....they're both very well respected, aren't they?"

I blinked in surprise at the blunt question, "I-I guess. They both work really hard, and they both love their jobs."

He frowned slightly, "love? How do you know they love their jobs?"

"Well....they both are very dedicated. I mean, they leave at the break of dawn and sometimes don't even come back home for a couple of days." I shrugged.

"So does that mean being dedicated to something means you love it as well?" he continued, "can't you be dedicated for some other reason other than love?"

"Why do you ask?" I questioned, somehow feeling uneasy now.

"Because.....according to my data, aren't parents supposed to love their children?" Ai-senpai asked casually.

I reeled back, letting out a strangled sort of gasp, "w-what are you talking about?"

Ai-senpai didn't seem a bit fazed by my sudden reaction, "your parents basically dedicated themselves to their jobs. But shouldn't they also dedicate themselves to you, if you claim dedication is love?"

"Th-they do dedicate themselves to me, " I stammered.

"How can they, if they never seem to be able to find the time to actually be with you?"

Hot tears started pricking at the back of my eyes, but I bit my lip, willing myself not to cry. No one had ever said that to me before. Not my friends, not my teachers, not anyone. All everyone would ever say to me was how lucky I was to have parents that were so dedicated to earning money so that I could have a good future. That's what everyone had automatically assumed. And I didn't have the will to correct them.

None of them seemed to feel bad whenever their parents would pick them up, or go to their concerts or competitions, while my parents would never come. No one would ever take pictures of me as I went up to receive my awards. No one would ever cook me a congratulatory dinner because I had aced the math exam. They were just all so in awe of the power and respect my parents had, and to them I was just their picture-perfect daughter who would surely succeed them someday.

But here was a person who was stating the black-and-white truth, the truth I never wanted to face. I had always wanted to believe that my parents did care about me. They were just truly too busy trying to secure a good future for me.

"They just want a good future for me," I muttered with no conviction in my voice, "can....can we stop talking?"

His teal eyes rested on me, but he said nothing else. I looked away, grateful for the silence.

And so, when we got off the canoe, we all crowded around Reiji-senpai to see all the beautiful pictures he had taken. And I had laughed and oohed along with him, honestly trying to shake that conversation out of my mind.

But every time I would turn to look at Ai-senpai, his eyes seemed to be weighing me down, always asking me a question I didn't want to know the answer to.

***

Thanks for reading everyone~sorry for the slow updates, but I'll try to update faster since it's winter break now!!

I'm going to start doing dedications now! For some chappies I'll ask a question and the first person who answers correctly will get the dedication. For others, I'll just dedicate it to people who's comments stand out to me (preferably nice ones? Probably ones that make me smile :)

This chapter's dedicated to @Seluciana for being the first one to comment on this story, and being the person who motivated me to go on. Thanks so much :)

Anyhow, please wait patiently~ I love you guys <3

~Lillianna