You Can Have My Heart (Oli Sykes Fan Fiction) COMPLETE

Breakdown

I was meant to be at the day spa and out exploring Paris, just enjoying the day and seeing the sights, but instead I was sitting in Luiz' room crying and stressing, with him trying to comfort me. I just felt completely hopeless being so far away from Oli when he was so upset. My phone rang about half an hour later and as I saw Oli's smiling face come up on my screen, I stood up and headed back to my own room as I answered it. I loved Luiz, but this was too personal. I needed to speak with Oli on my own. "Oli. Baby. Are you OK?" I asked. He didn't reply, he was just silent. "Oli?" I asked after a long pause.
"Joy, I don't think we should be together anymore. You deserve the world and I can't give you that." Oli said lifelessly as if he had no emotion what so ever. I felt like my heart dropped out of my chest. Did I just hear what I think I heard? He was joking right? I immediately started crying.
"Oli, please don't say that." I said with tears already rolling down my cheeks.
"I'm sorry. I just can't do this anymore. I want to be alone." he said quietly. I started crying harder, but being careful not to let him hear me down the phone. "But I love you." I said, my voice cracking from the emotion.
"You'll be better off without me, but I will always love you too." he said almost without any emotion. It sounded like a fucking goodbye and I couldn't contain myself anymore. I started crying hysterically. Was I in some kind of fucking nightmare? I couldn't believe I was hearing what I was hearing. He was dumping me.
"No." I said. "No, I won't let you do this." I stated, now a little angry.
"Bye Joy." he said quietly.
"No. Don't hang up on me." I cried.
"I'm sorry." he said. As the line went dead and the call ended, I dropped my phone. I felt like I couldn't breathe and like my entire body was numb. I just stood there frozen for a minute with tears streaming down my face... Oli had left me.

I fell to the floor and put my head in my hands helplessly. I felt like my life had just been ripped apart, like my heart had been torn out of my chest... I felt like the world was closing in on me, like it was ending. I was distraught, shaking, having a full-blown panic attack, but something clicked in my head as I thought about Oli and while I knew he'd probably be upset with me for doing it, I called Jordan. I was crying hysterically when he answered his phone and he was so concerned as I tried to speak. He had no idea about anything I told him as I explained what had happened but when I told him Oli had broken up with me, he became extremely worried. "Joy, he would never break up with you. He's completely in love with you. You're his entire world." he said, like he thought I was insane for even saying it.
"That's why I'm so afraid." I squealed. "What if he's planning on hurting himself?" I cried through the phone. Jordan said he would drive to Oli's straight away and try to talk to him, try to reason with him. "Can you call me and let me know he's OK?" I asked. "I can't lose him, Jordan." I sobbed without even thinking. All I could think was the worst and I was a complete mess.

I went back to Luiz's room and broke down completely in his arms. He was really upset too. Hearing that Oli had broken up with me and was potentially suicidal shook him as well. He cancelled our lunch plans and just comforted me as I laid on his couch sobbing. At least twenty calls, fifty messages and almost two hours passed before Jordan called me back, so I went back to my room and answered the call, praying that Oli was OK.
"Hey Joy... I went to see him..." he said as soon as I answered. "He's in a pretty bad way." he admitted. "He was saying that he doesn't deserve you and that you'd be better off without him and stuff like that... and when I told him that you called me for help because you love him and you were worried about him, he just cried and said that he shouldn't even be alive." he added. "I don't know what to do. He's a real mess. I'm afraid to leave him, even though he told me to go home." he said. I started crying again. I know he said he didn't want to be with me anymore, and that he wanted to be alone, but he didn't mean it. I knew he didn't. There was no way he truly wanted that. Maybe he thought it was better for me, but I was positive he didn't really not want to be with me. I loved him too much, and I knew without a doubt that he loved me just as much. Oli really needed me... he was having a complete breakdown and I was so far away. I felt worse than awful.
"I need to be there with him." I sobbed down the line to Jordan.
"Aren't you at a super important meeting?" he asked.
"You know about it?" I asked in confusion.
"Yeah. Oli messaged us all a couple of days ago - he was so proud and excited about it." he added. Hearing that Oli had told them because he was proud of me shattered me. I knew he didn't really want to break up with me. There was no way.
"I... I don't know what to do..." I said. I was so confused. This was the worst moment of my life.
"Well I really don't think Oli would want you to sacrifice your big break for him. It might just make him feel worse." he admitted. "When is the meeting, maybe you can come after it?" he suggested. "It's not until tomorrow morning..." I replied.
"Oh OK... well, I can stay here. Micky can come over too. We'll look after him." Jordan said.
"I told Oli that I would always be there for him... and right now, I'm not." I cried. "I'll call you back in a minute." I said ending the conversation abruptly.

I felt sick and nauseous, but I went and knocked on Luiz' door again. "Luiz..." I said as he opened the door. I started crying as he looked at me because I knew he was going to be so disappointed in me, but I knew what I had to do. "I have to go and be with Oli." I said with tears automatically streaming down my face. I couldn't really believe what I was doing, I was going to sacrifice what could be the most amazing thing to ever happen to my career, but the thought of losing Oli was much worse than the thought of losing respect, money, fame... my entire career even.
"Joy..." he said with a look of utter shock that quickly turned to desperation. "You... you cant." he said. But I could, and I was going to. "I know..." I said, feeling awful.
"Do you understand what you're saying?" he asked. I just looked at him and nodded. "This is the most important thing that will ever happen in your career." he proclaimed. I shut my eyes momentarily. I knew, I really did. I knew what I was doing to my career; my career that until just a few weeks ago was the most important thing in the world to me.
"I know how bad this is, but Oli is more important to me." I said with tears running down my face again. "I'm sorry, Luiz." I cried. I felt like I was letting him down, in fact I knew I was letting him down. I think Luiz had tears in his eyes as he let out a heavy breath. "What if I go to him to make sure he's OK? Or I fly Oli here?" he asked, looking for any alternative other than me forfeiting my meeting. I just looked at him with tears streaming down my face and shook my head. I knew Oli wasn't going to get on a plane and fly to Paris since he'd just told me we were over and I knew if he didn't even want my help that he certainly wouldn't want Luiz's. I felt so bad as my manager and close friend just stared at me. "I have to go and be with him, Luiz." I said sadly. He let out another heavy breath and looked at the floor like he was in pain, shock and disbelief. "OK Joy. I'll find you a flight." he said in defeat.

I felt so horrible at that moment. I had never seen Luiz look at me with such disappointment and I felt awful. I couldn't stop crying as I went back to my room and started packing. I was potentially ruining my relationship with one of the most important links to the fashion industry. Would I ever be able to walk in Paris Fashion Week ever again? Be invited to their exclusive "must go to" parties? Probably not... which also meant I'd probably be less appealing to all of the other Fashion Week brands, the designers and then companies too... I was basically committing career suicide. It was the biggest sacrifice I would ever make for anybody, but even though I tried to reason with it in my head, my heart was already checked out and trying to get to Oli. Losing him would be more painful than anything I could even imagine. I sat down on my bed and sobbed into my pillow. I didn't know what else to do.

Luiz messaged me a flight booking confirmation for 4 hours time. 'You need to leave here in an hour' the message after it read. I knew he didn't agree with my decision, but what else could I do? After trying to calm myself down for a few minutes, I called Jordan back. I guess he'd already figured out what I was doing because he started telling me not to fly back before I'd told him I was going to. "Joy, he's saying he doesn't want you to come." he said.
"Well it's too late, I've booked the flight." I said. "I'm leaving here in an hour so should be there around 4pm." I added, totally void of caring if he was telling me not to go.
"Oh God, Joy..." he exhaled. "He's going to feel terrible." he added with a sense of worry.
"I couldn't have gone to the meeting anyway, I'm a mess." I said in my own defence. "I love him, Jordan and even if he doesn't want me right now, I need to be there for him." I added.
"I know, and I understand. I'm sure he will be happy you're here deep down." he replied. "Micky's on his way here too so send me your flight details and one of us will come pick you up." he said. I texted him my flight info and packed my bag, then headed to the airport to fly back to Oli.