What A Catch

Isnt it funny?

Its funny how i think i actually have a chance. But something bad always happens, its too bad. But someone finds a way to either unintentionally or intentionally hurt me in some way. Every single time someone gets mad or something. I obviously tried too hard for you. I made this journal so that people would know how bad theyve hurt me, or make me feel, so they can change their horrible comments or make an effort. But nothing has ever changed. Its only made drama. Its made my already low slef esteem go from a 60 to like a 40. And ive been writing all of this as i go along, so it may be in the wrong tense.

Before school: i was walking with kaija and lizzie and i was in the middle, and they kept pushing me towards the back, and i was following them like a lost puppy dog so i stood up for myself and said "youre ignoring me,"

"We want doughnuts, what class do you have?"

"Its not like you guys even care"

And then i left to math to see my beautiful mia. And i was also trying to get away before i started crying

Math: didnt get it too much so i tried getting my mind off of it. And i still wanted to cry, so i was trying not to.

Turkish: i had no clue what yapıyorsun meant and i was already frustrated so again i wanted to cry. And i was trying to ignore kaija, but it was hard.

Computers: i sit next to lizzie and then we got new headphones and we started coding, its really... difficult. But then, kaija sat with us and i didnt really want her to, because she sets a really happy vibe around everyone, and computers is my calm time. And i intentionally ignored mia because she like closes people off and yeah. But im so stupid for leaving her.

Lunch: i couldnt fricken eat anything and it hurt to drink and my meds leaked a little. And i wanted to ignore everyone but it was really hard. So i gave up. At recess im pretty sure mia went to the librsry which for once i honestly didnt care because she is always quiet and on her phone and i hate it so much. But i love feeling her warm body giving me copany, and just knowing that shes there with me.

And shes always sad so i think that she doesnt want me.

I don't feel wanted. I dont feel the need to have friends because im so horrible. I Guess i should stop trying since thers have stopped on me.

Not one thing can make her genually happy anymore. I feel like she doesnt need me, or want me anymore, im just that one person that no one likes, and the person that no one needs anymore.

English: nothing, but still ignored, still unneeded.

Social studies: its the place where nothing good happens. Nothing is fun, its a ball of boring. And i saw mia covering her face and i wanted to see what was wrong, so im pretty sure she hates me, doesnt need me.

Science: this guy named Desmond was sitting in my spot, and i didnt know where to sit so i asked my teacher and i thought he said "sit over there" and it was too general, and there was like an empty, one person seat, directly behind it was a one person seat where desmond was sitting and a two person desk, behind it, where mia was sitting alone. And i wasnt sure so i asked, "sit with mia?" And hes like "for today, yeah." he didnt understand

Like y should i sit in the front, by myself, where i feel like all eyes are on me. And then this guy in my class, Julien, kept staring at me and i would look back at him and we would have a staring contest and then wave our hands or i would blush, i dont like him all that much. i much like corbin.

My day was slightly ruined:

-corbin had detention so no kiss/ make out sesh

-Forget having mia by me

Whats wrong with me

But if corbin hadent gotten a detention, today wouldve been better. And he ignored me after detention! Ughhh

And your ignoring doesnt phase me, it shows you dont need me.

And then i went to grocery outlet and then i went home and then i snapchatted kaija and this seventh grader, named Ashley.

11/20/14 6:40 PM