Sunshine (Take Two Sequel)

Chapter 40: Lucy

I did not know where I was going to go after my fight with Rami. I grabbed a taxi and when he asked for an address, I gave him Lilly's. I got to the front door and knocked, then immediately wished I hadn't. It was getting late, they were probably trying to get the girls to sleep. Lilly opened the door and smiled.

"I'm sorry," I said immediately. "I shouldn't have knocked. Did I wake the twins?"

"Oh don't worry about that," Lilly said. "Audrey's a great sleeper so she's already out and Roger's upstairs rocking Everly. Are you alright?"

"Not really," I said. "I had a huge fight with Rami and I didn't want to stay with him in the hotel. I didn't know where else to go. I'm sorry, maybe I should have chosen a friend who doesn't have babies."

"No, Luce, it's fine," Lilly said softly. "Come in, talk to me." I walked in and sat on the couch with Lilly. "Do you want to tell me what happened?" She asked.

"Rami and I had a really nice time here earlier today," I started. "In fact it was so nice, that he decided to tell me that he wants to have a baby."

"Oh Lucy that's exciting!" Lilly gushed.

"No," I said. "No it's not, because I don't want to have a baby. And Rami kept going on and on about having a baby so I blurted out that I don't want kids and he kept trying to convince me and I finally just told him he had to live with it and walked out."

"Wow," she said. "That's a lot to take in. I didn't even know that you didn't want kids."

"I don't really know if I do or not," I said. "I know I don't want to drop everything and have kids right now, but I let Rami think I will never want kids and now he's upset. Lilly, he's going to leave me!"

"He's not going to leave you-"

"Yes he is!" I interrupted. "He really wants kids and he's married to a woman who said she never wants kids! That's a good reason to leave!"

"You don't know that he really wants kids," she said. "He probably just brought it up because he saw my kids, they are pretty adorable." I laughed softly. "Can I ask you something?" Lilly asked. I nodded. "Why wouldn't you want kids? I mean, you really seem to love babies."

"I do love babies," I said. "But visiting babies and having babies are two very different things. You know that, you visited the Deacons plenty of times before you had the twins. And honestly, no offence Lilly, but I don't really want Rami and I to have a baby and end up like you and Roger."

"What does that mean?" She asked me with a confused look.

"You two are so tired," I said. "You're constantly having to do things for the twins, you don't seem to have time to each other. For God sake's Roger told me you two had a fight as soon as you got home from the hospital!"

"Roger told you that?" Lilly asked. I nodded. "Well, that's true, but did he tell you why we were fighting or how it ended?" I shock my head. "We were fighting because we were scared," she said.

"Scared?" I asked. "Of what?"

"We were afraid we would be terrible parents," Lilly continued. "We don't have the best parental role models. Both our fathers are assholes, my mother is dead and Roger's mother just stuck her head in the sand and said nothing while his father beat the crap out of him. When we got home we couldn't get the car seats out of the car and Audrey never wanted to latch when I was feeding her. I was worried I was a terrible mother because I didn't have a mother for a big part of my life, and Roger was worried he would end up like his dad."

"Does he really think he would hit his little girls?" I asked her.

"Of course not," Lilly said. "I made him see that and we were fine. Then later that night, I finally got Audrey to latch and I was so relieved. We realized we could do this and we had a beautiful moment together."

"So," I said. "You're really happy?"

"We are really happy," she said. "Exhausted, but happy."

"So you think Rami and I should have kids?" I asked her. Lilly sighed.

"I can't answer that," she said. "It's really up to the two of you. However, I will say this. If you have kids, whether it's here or in London or somewhere else entirely, we will all be here to support you. I think you and Rami would make wonderful parents, but you have to be sure that's what you really want. I hope this was helpful."

"It was," I said. "Thank you. I'll still not sure I want kids, at least not right now, but I'll think about it." Lilly smiled at me.

"That sounds like a good idea," Lilly said. "Do you want to stay here tonight? It's getting late, you could stay in the guest room."

"I think I'll take you up on that offer," I said. "I'm not sure I want to face Rami tonight." Lilly and I went upstairs and she got me set up in the guest room. She lent me some pajamas and I snuggled into bed, but I couldn't sleep. I had a lot to think over.