Polaroid (A Phan AU)

Chapter Four

You know how advice is. You only want it if it agrees with what you wanted to do anyway.
~John Steinbeck

Your sexuality is a funny thing. Sometimes you feel like it doesn't matter, it's just a factor of yourself that makes you you. Other times it defines you, it's all that matters, people just see you, the homosexual, or you, the bisexual, or you, the asexual... And never you, the human.

This was my problem.

This is how they would see me if I told them. They'd all stay clear, label me as a freak. This had always been my reasoning.

But now Chris had thrown it all out of balance.

I didn't know what I had expected. Maybe I thought he'd shun me? Tell everyone, spread my secret?

But he just accepted me, didn't even bat an eyelid.

Safe to say, I was pretty damn appreciative of Chris Kendall at that moment.

When I arrived home, I was still in a daze. I just didn't know how to handle the relief. I dumped my school bag and stumbled to my room in a blur - it could have taken ten seconds or ten minutes, I couldn't say.

Usually the first thing I did after school was hang out in the kitchen with Cassie and chat about my day. After about ten minutes of me lying sprawled out on my bed with my face in my pillow, my bedroom door creaked open and soft, padding footsteps approached me. I felt the bed sink in a little at the corner, and a few minutes of serene silence followed.

Eventually, Cassie coughed quietly and spoke up.

"Philly? Y'okay bud?"

"M'okay," I mumbled into my pillow.

"You sure? I don't think you are..." Cassie persisted. That girl never gave up. With a defeated sigh, I rolled over and sat up. Cassie was perched on the end of my bed in a t-shirt and shorts, her fluffy hair brushed out in a cloud around her heart shaped face. Her long, slender legs were stretched out in front of her, her pale bare feet delicately pointed inwards. She only did that when she was nervous.

The look on her face made it clear she meant business. She wanted answers and would accept nothing less. My sister was not an easy girl to cross.

Biting my lip, I peered over Cassie's shoulder to check that the door was closed. Taking this as invitation to shuffle further onto my bed and cross her legs, she did so, looking at me expectantly.

I fiddled with my sleeves under her sharp gaze, taking a deep breath before speaking.

"Cass, you will always love me, right?"

Cassie rolled her eyes and shoved me a little, chuckling.

"Of course, you dork, you're my little brother! Why? What have you done? Killed someone?"

I snorted at her playful quip. As if I could ever kill someone; I could hardly kick a ball.

"Took some drugs? Offered some weed, and couldn't resist? Oh, I have been there!"

She really was clueless wasn't she? Did she know me at all?

"What then?"

My words were stuck in my throat, in a bizarre mix of clawing their way out and shrinking back in. Cassie examined my face closely.

"Phil... Philip Michael Lester! You're gay, aren't you?!" Cassie squealed, clapping her hands together in glee.

"Shh!" I scolded, "Shut up! You can't tell Mum and Dad! Promise me, Cass!"

She lowered her voice and leaned in to wrap her arms around me. The hug was awkward, we were too far away to embrace comfortably, but I appreciated the gesture more than words could describe. This was her acceptance, and it meant so much to me.

I went on to explain how Chris had accepted me blindly too, and I feared awkwardness in our friendship from then on. Cassie, of course, graced me with her wisdom:

"Why should anything change? He's fine with the fact that you like boys, what's the problem? Take advantage of it! It shows that he is a true friend. Just carry on as you were, you must be doing something right."

And I intended to do just that.

A/N

What's this? An extra update?! A WEEK EARLY?
I had a surge of creativity and tried so hard to save it til next Saturday but I just couldn't.

Songs I listened to:
Hold On Til May by Pierce The Veil
The Phoenix by Fall Out Boy
Lucifer by SHINee

Love youuuuuu

~Georgina

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