Polaroid (A Phan AU)

Chapter Six

Worry does not empty tomorrow of its sorrow. It empties today of its strength.
~Corrie Ten Boom

Life can be incredibly tiresome at times. Things pile on top of another, things that need to be done, said, fixed. Sections of your existence where you become a pin cushion, unhealthily wearing the troubles of yourself and those you love scattered across your brain, saving them for later rather than facing up to them. Usually there is at least one thing that can take your mind off things, a distraction, an escape, if you like. But on occasion all you can do is stare at the ceiling and wonder: how did I get here?

On this particular afternoon, this was what I was doing. The bedding was coarse against my bare back; my being in bed for days had eliminated chance for my sheets to be washed. Sweat enveloped me in a makeshift blanket and tangled into my hair and I just stared: stared at the dirty white ceiling with just one silver star stuck just left of centre. The rest fell off years ago.

I imagined the ceiling as an ocean, waves crashing and falling into each other at impossible speed.

I pictured the star as a lone ship, clinging to the surface for dear life as it was thrashed about.

Then, one by one, I bought each of my worries to light and exhibited them in the ship.

Dad: how would he pay the bills on no wages? How did he even lose his job? Why would nobody tell me? How were we going to keep the house?

He'll find a new job soon enough. They probably won't tell you because there's nothing to tell. The company had to move on, or lose workers. Simple. When he gets a new job, you'll be fine.

But what about Cassie? Since the hair incident, she'd been becoming harder and harder to deal with. She skipped school, stayed out late, made new friends that I didn't like one bit, and got her tongue pierced by a twenty year old Japanese punk that didn't speak English. What if I was losing my sister?

Cassie is just going through a phase She still loves you, it's your parents she's got a grudge against. She's just acting up.

Even my parents! They kept me awake with their relentless screaming at one another, yelling words I mostly couldn't understand. Several times my father threatened to leave, and my mother begged him to. He never followed through, but one day, what if he did?

They're just going through a bad patch. Stress from your dad's job loss. Once he starts work again, they'll be back to normal.

I'd been off sick for nearly a week now. I would have so much work to catch up on! What if I fell behind and my grades dropped?

You're a quick learner. You'll catch up in no time. And Chris will help. Isn't that what friends are for?

The biggest worry of all: I was gay. After coming out to Chris and Cassie, I was now certain. But I didn't know how to feel. Humans were made to fall in love with the opposite gender, create offspring, and die. I was going against the laws of the universe.

Don't be ridiculous child! Being gay is just like preferring nutella to dairy lea. Or tea to coffee. It's normal, acceptable, and kind of amazing. Think about it: love, in its truest form. You'll understand each other more, because you're the same gender. It's a beautiful concept. Embrace this part of yourself, because without it, you would be a different person.

One by one, my conscience pinched each worry into a tiny atom and pressed them into the sea, and wave by wave the ocean calmed and the ship settled comfortably upon the surface, albeit swaying a little, but safe and in tact.

I rolled over and succumbed to sleep.

A/N

Just a small filler chapter to get a glimpse into Phil's mindset. Back to normal storyline next chapter, promise.
If you're wondering where Dan is in this phanfiction, don't fuss. He'll show up in a chapter number that relates to this chapter number with an eight involved in the equation *coughcough*
*Literal cough cough because I'm still ill*
Hope you enjoyed anyway
Songs I listened to:
I left my headphones downstairs, so a car alarm, yay Birmingham
Love you loads, cheerio chummies <3

~Georgina

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