Polaroid (A Phan AU)

Chapter Twenty-Six

I wanted to talk to someone. But who? It’s moments like this, when you need someone the most, that your world seems smallest.

~Rachel Cohn

They wouldn't let me go with her. Asked how old I was, and told me they'd called Mum and to wait for updates from her.

And so there was one.

I couldn't bring myself to go near those envelopes, aware that they would contain things I didn't yet want to hear, because while writing those letters, she assumed that she would be far from this world by the time we read them.

I could at least wait until I got to bed to break down. I was exhausted, not physically, but emotionally.

The confusion, when I found her room empty.

The dread, when I was switching on the light.

The horror when I saw...her.

The determination when I spotted the life still within her.

The realisation when I saw the envelopes.

The annoyance when I couldn't go with her.

But the relief of knowing that she was going to be okay.

I pulled out my laptop, wanting to check the time.

It was four fourty-two in the morning, and I looked a state, but even so I clicked on the Skype icon and called Dan.

He answered after three attempts, and my heart melted at his sleep filled chocolate orbs and tousled, wavy bed hair. He was propped up on his elbows and lying on his stomach under the quilt, (topless might I add.)

"Phil?" he mumbled, "Do you know what time it is? One sec,"

His head disappeared for a second and then reappeared. There was a scuffle as he inserted something into the laptop and then shoved the earphones in his ears.

"I have to whisper, 'kay? Phil? Lion, what's wrong?"

I'd started sobbing again, unable to withhold my emotions for much longer.

"Hey! Hey, breathe, calm down. Tell me what's wrong," Dan soothed gently, his voice quiet and husky.

I took a few deep breaths and licked my dry, cracked lips to speak.

"Cassie... Cassie tried to k- to kill h-"

I couldn't finish, and ended up choking on my own voice.

"...kill herself?" Dan whispered tentatively, and I nodded furiously, swiping the tears from my cheeks.

"Phil, I wish I could hug you right now. I'm sorry, Lion. Do you know why? Is she going to be okay?"

"I don't know w-why. She was acting weird when I got h-home. They said she's gonna be f-fine."

"Well, at least you know she's going to be okay. Are you gonna be able to sleep?"

I shrugged. I didn't know if sleep would be kind enough not to evade me.

"Would you- would you like me to play piano for you?"

I nodded eagerly, wiping my face with the back of my hand.

There was a shifting of position, where Dan ended up sitting at his piano with his quilt wrapped around him and laptop balancing on the windowsill, and I ended up curled into a ball on my side with the laptop on my bedside table, watching the quiet concentration etched upon his features as he flexed his fingers and began to play.

Soft notes invaded my senses, flowing fluidly into one another as I drifted away and finally found sleep.