Polaroid (A Phan AU)

Chapter Twelve

The worst pain in the world goes beyond the physical. Even further beyond any other emotional pain one can feel. It is the betrayal of a friend.
~Heather Brewer

Honestly, I thought that life would always continue like this. People being proud of me, looking up to me, enjoying my company. Naivety never got anyone anywhere.

Never take for granted that you're privileged in life. It means that you're less prepared for the moment that your peaceful existence is thrown out of balance.

For me, this happened in three ways.

Chris Kendall was always one to keep things bottled; it was unhealthy for him and those around him, but that was just the way he was.

Maybe this was the reason he didn't explain why he just stopped talking to me. Broke all contact, except for one text on Monday that said 'Not meeting.'

I walked to school alone that day.

In fact, I did everything alone that day.

He abandoned me in form, ignored me at break, avoided me at lunch, and ran off without me after school.

And so I was left: confused, friendless, and yearning for comfort.

I'd get comfort though; when I got home. Cassie would be there for me.

But then I got home.

And she wasn't there for me.

In fact, nobody was there for me.

The door was locked, my key was inside. There wasn't anybody around. The only sign of life around my house was an empty beer bottle.

An empty beer bottle.

Something clicked in my brain that I had always known but never wanted to know. It all made sense.

The missing money.

The ignorance.

The empty beer bottle.

My father had a drinking problem. He was taking money to buy his inevitable death bed. My money that I had earned, none the less. He had been fired from his job because of it. My father was an alcoholic.

Of course, I could have had completely the wrong idea. He could just be depressed, the money was counted wrong, the beer bottle thrown onto our lawn by hoodlum.

It was all entirely possible.

But something told me that I was right in my assumption. Somehow I just knew.

I fell onto the doorstep with a sigh. I had nowhere to go until seven, when Kenji would pick me up. All there was left to do was wait.

And wait I did.

It was cold and uncomfortable, but I hung on.

At about five thirty, I think I must have fallen asleep out of pure boredom, because when I next opened my eyes it was dark.

Squinting to adjust my eyes, I checked the time on my slowly dying phone.

It was seven twenty.

Kenji should have been here twenty minutes ago. He would have woken me up.

He hadn't come for me.

In the moment of realisation, the day's events came crashing down on me and I burst into noisy, messy tears.

Because in that moment, I, Philip Lester, just felt so alone.

It felt like there was nobody in the world that remembered me or cared for me.

I felt lonely. I didn't even remember the last time I felt lonely. It was the worst: thinking that everyone you cared for had abandoned you. That you had no one.

But then I sat up, squared my shoulders, and rubbed furiously at my damp eyes.

There were people.

Mrs Howell appreciated me, relied on me even. Maddie and Sadie looked up to me, and admired me.

They were waiting for me right now.

I'd be late, but it wouldn't matter. They would understand.

I took a deep breath and set off to the people that appreciated me.

Alone.

A/N

Wow this turned out more depressing than I intended sorry not sorry

Songs I listened to:
Good riddance (time of your life) by Green Day
Northern downpour by P!ATD
Thinking out loud by Ed Sheeran

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~Georgina

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