Stay Away From My Friends

chapter 6: I love you

Kellin's pov (next day)

Three little words can make or break somebody. The words slide off his lips so smoothly I let the words go deep into my soul. I take a breath in smelling the freash air.

It's funny how strong words can be. Or how they effect you mentally and physically.

The three words that mean so much and nothing at all truly get to me. "Fag or Dyke?" Matty asks his friends pointing at me. Matty hasn't bothered me at the house but that's because I'm always in my room.

Matty is one of my worst bullies. "I don't know, it's either a ugly girl or a faggot boy," they all laugh and I continue to walk. I just need to get to my safe stop.

"Whatever it is, it ain't natural."

I need to get to my library spot. Nobody knows I stay there. We are all going to 3rd block.. all but me. Alois: a rich brat was giving me hell in second block and now I just need a spot to cry.

As I'm walking a taller boy trips me unexpectedly making me fall and drop my books. When I'm collecting my books with my hair over my face I grab a book someone else is picking up.

We both look up at the same time. Vic Fuentes. I smile a little and let him help me with my books. "Claude is a asshole," vic mumbles handing me my books.

"Isn't everyone?" I say rolling my eyes.

"Oli isn't, neither am I,"he says now walking with me but both of our classes are the opposite way. Those three little words still bothering me.

The term dyke is a slang noun meaning lesbian; it is also a slang adjective describing things associated with lesbianism. It originated as a homophobic and misogynistic slur for a masculine, butch, tomboyish, or androgynous female

That's what the internet says a dyke is. I had to look that up in elementary school because that was the first time I was called one. We go into the library and vic doesn't part ways. He continues to follow. "Go away," I say and he doesn't listen to me.

When I sit down in my spot he sits next to me. "Go awayyy, I came here to cry not socialize," I feel myself start to break. I want him gone so I can cry alone.

Then Vic hugs me and I lose my cool and start crying. I hug back and try to get comfort in his embrace. After I've ran out of tears I just stay still. If I never leave this hug maybe he'll never ask if I'm okay.

However I end up pulling away and he gives me a smile. "Darling you'll be okay," he says reassuringly. I nod a little even though I don't believe it. I'm a freak.

I have weird thoughts that really aren't natural or good. From suicidal thoughts to weird things that turn me on. None of those thoughts are okay and if a psychiatrist could read my mind I'd be in a mental hospital for life.

Daily I think about how I could 'accidentally' die. How I could fall down some stairs so I can break something and get to go home and not have to be in school. I think of ways to kill people. No I'm not considering doing any of these things but I do think them.

I fantasize about the Apocalypse happening, all those people dying. Tsunami, zombies, earthquake, tornadoes, nuclear war, and anything that could cause mass destruction.

I also fantasize about really weird stuff. Like sexual stuff. Not normal 17 year old boy thoughts. I want to know if I'm into spanking, being chained up, am I a rope bunny? Vanilla? Pet? Masochist? Brat? Submissive? Daddy kinks? Exhibitionist?

I want to try stuff but I'm scared I wont like it. I'm also scared that I will like it...

Thoughts?

Theories?

Question?

Words: 666