Stay Away From My Friends

chapter 21: Anger and depression

Oliver's pov

I've had a bad day at work so my boss let me go home early. I just want to sleep off this feeling..

My head is full of negative thoughts and I cant help but think about Mitch. I miss him. If he was here now I wouldn't be so.. depressed. I really like like kellin..

I'm falling in love with him.. But my first love still gets to me sometimes. When I go into my room and see kellin going through my bottom drawer I feel betrayed and like my stuff has been violated.

Anger is what I'm feeling. I want to scream at him. Yell, and cry over this. After I practically throw him out I slame my door shut. I know I shouldn't have treated him so roughly but I'm so upset.

Tears fall down my face and I go over to the drawer. Carefully I pick up the pictures and put them in the drawer. I move Mitch's shirt and pick up the small box. With trembling hands I pick up the ring box and open it.

A sob leaves my lips as I look at the ring I planned to propose to Mitch with. I grip it tightly and shake as I cry. I miss him.. carefully I close the box and flip it over and look at the blade I have taped to the bottom of it.

I take it and put the box back. Closing the drawer and going to my bed. I sit on it and pull my pants down. "I'm sorry Mitch.." I mumble before pressing the metal to my thigh and dragging it acrossed my thigh.

Blood drips from it as my tears fall onto it making the blood mixed tears slips down and onto my black sheets. I start cutting my thigh without thinking. After I see I've really torn up my leg I throw the blade. I put my face in my hands and cry my eyes out.

After a hour of pathetically crying I look at the dried blood and feel angry again. At myself. If I went to that party with Mitch he wouldn't have gotten an anxiety attack.. He wouldn't have left with tears blurring his vision as he drove.. He wouldn't have crashed..

I pull up my pants and go to the bathroom. I glare at myself in the mirror. I hate myself. I dont even take off my clothes and turn on the showers water and set it to the hottest setting.

I get under the water fully clothed and punch the wall. I rest my forehead on the wall and cry. A knock on the door doesn't faze me.

"Hey, are you okay?" Tyler asks through the door.

" f-fuck off mate," I say choking on a sob. I sink down so I'm sitting on the shower floor as scolding water beats down on me.

"I'm going to go make some tea, come join me soon," he says sounding worried.

"S-sure," I tell him so he'll go away. It works and he leaves. The pain in my chest worsens with each gasp for breath. I lay on my back and hope that the water drowns me.

I plug the bath part and let the shower water fill it up as I lay. It takes a long time but soon I'm just laying in a half full bath with hot water spraying on me. My clothes are floating around still on my body.

-

Taking off wet clothes suck.. I wrap the towel around my naked body and walk out. I go into my room and put on some clothes. I sniffle a little and grab my phone.

No texts from kellin..

Me: I'm sorry

Kellin: I don't care

My heart drops more. I really fucked up..

Me: I shouldn't have hurt you.. I'm really sorry.

Kellin: you made my cuts bleed and I just got home from walking. I'm mad and nothing you say can fix that. Talk to me tomorrow or something but rn I couldn't care less how sorry you are

I read it over and over. Tears spilling out of my eyes again. I put my phone down weakly and lay on my floor. I dont deserve the comfort of my bed.

I wish I could just be a good boyfriend..

My leg hurts, my bodys exhausted, and I'm just.. depressed. Sad doesn't describe it good enough. I feel useless, hurt, broken, unwanted, and so many more bad emotions.

I want to join Mitch..

Thoughts

How do you feel about kellin being mad at Oli?

Theories?

What did you think about the f ac act that Oli was going to propose to Mitch?