Stay Away From My Friends

chapter 32: confused

Kellin's pov

It's been a week and Oliver: the guy who seems to be lost all the time, has been here every day. We don't talk to each other except me asking for stuff and him asking how I feel.

He's tried to ask if I remember anything but everytime I start ignoring him. I don't remember anything.  My dad came here yesterday and told me that my mom's paralyzed and that I don't live with them.

Apparently I live with friends and Oliver lives there too? My so called friends want to visit me but I don't want them to. I don't know them, yet they know me.. that's.. uncomfortable.

Oliver seems to know things about me that I don't even know. I hate talking to him because I feel bad that I don't remember him. I've also asked him not to tell me about our relationship. I'm scared to find out how much I've forgotten.

As I pick at my hospital food I pout. Today is my last day. I can go 'home' at 12. Oliver is staying with me and driving me back. He's always trying to help but I dont understand why he cares so much.

I'm kellin, nobody likes me. As soon as I can be alone and not monitored I'm going to slit my wrists. I hate how I have no fresh cuts.. I always have red cuts.

"You said we were on a date.. what am I to you?" I whisper and look at him. He looks upset, well, he always looks upset..

"Um.. well. You're my boyfriend.. but I understand you don't know me so.. I guess for now we are friends?" He looks desperate to not scare me away. I look him up and down for a moment.

"So I'm gay?" I ask and he nods. He looks like he wants to say something but he chooses not to.

"Do I have any ex's?" I ask. I need to know things about myself and it seems like he knows the answers.

"Alan and um.. and if you consider me?" He says.

"We've never broke up before right?" I ask.

"Right."

"Have you been with anyone since I temporarily died?" I ask.

"No, I've pretty much have been at work and by your side the entire time," he says and the sadness behind his words makes me believe him.

"Well.. um. I cant even imagine being in your shoes. I dont even know what we have. But, like.. your um.. you seem good? Shit I dont know how to do this. We can continue dating but like um dont except it to be the same as before. I dont know you. I don't even know if I'm really am gay?" I stumble over my words nervously.

His lips twist up into a smile. "Thank you, I- mmmm, we can go at snail pace it's okay. I just miss you," he says looking like he's about to cry.

He's very attractive and nice so maybe I should give him a chance. That's what this is. "How long did we date?" I ask scared to know the answer.

"Three years.. five if you consider the.. coma part of it.." he whispers looking at his shoes.

"So we've had sex?" I blurt out.

He looks at me and chuckles. I blush and cover my face. I just thought I was a virgin but three years with someone.. there has to be sex? I think.

"Yeah, almost every day," he says and I blush more.

"This Is so weird," I mumble to myself. I've had sex with this guy so many times but I don't remember any of it..

I push my food away and get off my bed. I stand holding the bed. Oliver tries to get up and help me but I shake my head no. "I need to be independent," I tell him. I want to walk and do normal human stuff on my own.