Stay Away From My Friends

chapter 34: ouch

Oliver's pov

When I get back kellin's asleep. He's the sweetest thing but he seems so different.. I love him, I always will. But he's so nervous and closed off.

He wont let me touch him and I hate how he looks at me. It's like we never experienced the stuff we did.. I mean.. I guess we don't have that anymore. I just have the memories.

I want to kiss him. I want to hold him. I need his affection but I can't ask for it. I already make him uncomfortable enough. I pull my chair up to his bed and gently uncover his face from the blankets.

His soft breathing and peaceful face but makes me want to hold him more. I put my forehead on his bed and sigh. He has no idea how much I need him. It might be invading his space but I get in his bed and lay next to him.

Everything screams to hold him but I cant. That would freak him out. He didnt even want to hold hands.. I close my eyes and go to sleep.

When I wake up the first thing I see is kellin, watching me. He blushes and looks away. "You like.. peaceful when you sleep. You're always so stressed out," he whispers.

"I'm just scared you wont remember what we have and you wont fall in love with me," I tell him and he places his palm on my chest.

"You're heart is beating so fast.. can i.. um.. listen?" He asks.

"Y-yeah," I say and he scoots closer to me and I lay on my back. He puts his head on my chest and I place my hand on the small of his back.

He tenses up a little at my touch but doesn't push me away. After a while passes he starts talking. "I know it must be hard to handle all this.. if we really were together for that long our relationship must have been pretty deep and you pretty much lost that. I really hope my memories come back because it feels like.. like I'm not me? Do I still seem like me? How did I act when we were together?" He says quietly.

It is really hard but he's going through worse. He doesn't remember 3 years of his life and them missed a extra 2 years. He's way less comfortable and confident now..

"You seem a more distant and closed off now but that's normal.. you don't trust me yet. In our relationship you acted like.. well, you trusted me and we would cuddle or- um, you don't want to hear our sex lives. But just overall we had a wonderful relationship," I say and he nods.

"Our first argument.. how did that go?" He asks and I take a breath in. Mitch is really a hard topic to talk about.

"You.. went through my stuff and It was really personal.. so I yelled at you and.. you got mad at me but we both apologized. Both of us were wrong," I tell him.

He sits up pouting. "I'm sorry, like.. it doesn't matter now and I don't remember it but going through your stuff seems bad. Did I initially do it?" He asks fiddling with his sleeves.

"I don't think you realized how.. privet it was," I say and he gets that curious face. He makes this face whenever he wants to ask something but is to shy to ask.

"Its a touchy topic.. I will tell you about it but not now," I tell him.

"Um.. I have a question.. but it's about me. You might know?" He starts of really nervous.

"You can ask," I give him the go ahead.

"Was I still depressed when I was with you? And like.. the cutting.. these look older than 2 years..?" He says voice wavering.

"You.. you were getting better. You talked about still feeling depressed sometimes but you also said that you could feel yourself healing. It's been three years since you've cut.. D-do you feel depressed now? Or like hurting yourself?" I ask worried.

"Just down that I cant remember stuff.. you know how frustrating it is when you forget your dream but you remember that you had one? It feels like that. I know stuffs missing but it's impossible to remember.  People say it's at the tip of their tongue when they can almost remember something. Well it's like it's at the back of my lungs. I really cant fathom what's missing," he says.

"What's something that I don't know but should?" He adds.

That I love you

"You like to be choked," I says and he looks at me like I shouldn't have said that.. why do I always fuck things up??

"Do you remember Vic?" I ask and he starts thinking.

"Theres a vic that went to my school but I've never talked to him; from my knowledge," he says. Do I tell him we had a threesome?

"He really misses you," I tell him and he nods slowly.

"This is so exhausting. I'm trying to think of things that aren't in my brain," he mumbles.

"I'm sorry, when we get home we can sleep all you want," I tell him and he smiles a little.

"Sleep sounds so good. I know I sleep all day and I just woke up from 2 years of sleeping but in so tired," he says and I gets hypnotized by his smile. I love his fucking smile, and face, his eyes.. body.. everything. I just love him so much.

I hope he remembers something soon..

Rawr

Thoughts?

Theories?