𝐅𝐑𝐈𝐄𝐍𝐃𝐒𝐇𝐈𝐏- 𝐉𝐔𝐍𝐆𝐊𝐎𝐎𝐊 𝐅𝐅 √

Part 13 : Why Can't I Hate You?

You knew it. You knew something was off as soon as the clock ticks 21 minutes after he left. You know he doesn't have the heart to leave in the 20-minutes promise he made.

You knew. You knew him so well but why do you keep on waiting for him to come home?

You sat alone in the dark, holding your handmade cushion for his birthday in your warm arms. No lights surround you at all, only the light of the far moon let your eyes see the cold room.

You didn't cry, you didn't call for him because you know he won't answer you. He won't answer because of the guilt that'll be eating him up as he smiles with haneul.

You take a deep breath and stare onto the black screen television. You want to open it, you just want this horrible feeling of betray who's sucking you into your own darkness to stop!- but you can't even raise your finger to move now.

You feel so helpless and have no energy to even breath. You are alone again. He left you for her again, just like how your father left you alone with her. Just like how he promises to be there for you until you grow old with his grandchildren and just like that, jungkook rewinds the dark history without realizing.

You sigh heavily, your hand clutches your shirt, as if you're trying to touch your hurting heart. "You promise me." Your voice didn't come out, only air comes out from your lips. Your lips quiver with fear, quiver with sadness, quiver with desperation.

Its been a while since you felt these emotions. It feels like the world is mocking you for being in the same dark room alone while you wait for the person to come back home.

You bring your knees closer to your chest, "You promise me." The chocking feeling, the sting in your eyes, the loud desire to scream loud are all the same. It's all the same. The history has rewind with the person you care once again.

The person who you wish to help and to live together until you die is the same person who will let your hand go as they run into the lights.

Leaving you alone in this tunnel. The infinite tunnel of lonesome.

You grip your fore arm harder, trying to save yourself. If no one's going to save you then you just need to rely on yourself alone. You need to be the prince charming in your own fairy tale.

Your tears fall down, rolling from your cheeks before rolling fast down to your chin until it falls like a drop of water down to the floor.

You cry and cry in silent. No one is here to comfort you, "I trusted you to come back. You promised me and now you're making me think you're going to leave me too." You cried at the harsh truth, looking up to his photo on the side table.

"You said you'll set me free."

Jungkook's heart suddenly feels pain. As if a bullet has been shot straight into his heart. Haneul's eyes question him when she sees jungkook's eyes tear up.

Jungkook holds his hurting heart, feeling confuse at this sudden emotion but like the angels kick his head hard.

Jungkook panicky look at the shop's clock, "Shit." Haneul didn't have time to say a word since jungkook already left her. He runs like a mad dog straight to where he's supposed to go two hours ago.

Jungkook grips his unworn jacket tight, not minding the people he pushes or he hit cause all he could see is your eyes. Your eyes that's staring with hopeful and full with trust.

Tidying the crinkled shirt, "Twenty minutes?" you ask him and jungkook didn't kiss your lips but he lands his lips on top of your head. Kissing you lovingly before hugging your small body. "Twenty minutes. I promise."

Jungkook yells all the stupid thing he just did, why did he do it? Why did he let haneul take him there? Why did he let her in his heart even just for a second? Why did he leave you alone?

Jungkook didn't have the time to wait for the elevator, his hands strongly push the stairs door open, let the loud bang echoes as he run upstairs. Run faster and faster so he could catch you. So, he could be there for you.

"Y/n!" Jungkook opens his apartment.

You look back at the door and locks them.

Your mother sees your eyes are puffy, she wants to ask you but she knows you need some time alone. She stares as her daughter climbs the stairs half alive, half dead.

Jungkook grips his hair angrily, "Fuck!" the jacket is thrown hard on the floor.

Hitting his head multiple times, feeling his heart torn into pieces when there's two plates on the table. Cold food that used to be hot for you and him. For both of you to have your supposed to be dinner date.

Jungkook drops his hand down and walks closely but carefully to the table. Like he's afraid he will destroy more things. His red eyes glance down to the small letter you wrote.

His fingers trembles to pick it up. What if it's a goodbye letter? What if you wrote how much he damage your trust with him or what if you curse him for even thinking it's okay for you to let him go to meet haneul.

I think you're going to be hungry so I made your favorite dish.
See you tmorrrow, jungkook.

-y/n.

"Why am I like this?" Jungkook backs up from the table until his back hits his wall. Slowly he slides down similar to what you're doing now.

You hold your smiling picture with him close to your heart as you sit down the floor while leaning by the wall too.

Jungkook stares at the note. Every small detail of it he sees, the emotion while you wrote it until the dried tears on the bottom corner right.

"I'm so stupid." Jungkook hates himself more than anyone in this world for leaving you alone. For breaking his promise for another girl.

Jungkook's phone vibrates and he couldn't breathe at your message.

Beautiful:

I'm okay.
don't beat yourself too much.
I'm fine and

"I forgive you." You send the last message with one tear falls on the screen. "I will always forgive you."

This is wrong. This is so wrong for your heart but did you care? No. you only care about him to stay even longer with you.

You don't want because of your stupid jealousy your relationship with him will break.

"I can't bear to see you walk away from me." You said to his smiling face as if you are talking to the person itself.

"I can't be left alone again." You hug the picture, trying to remember the warmth of that day, the happiness you felt at that day. The beautiful first kiss between you and jungkook at that day.

The day you felt love for him.

As a woman to a man.

___________________

-end chapter-

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