Yesterday and two days ago were so hectic for yourself and for jungkook. You didn't realize that you have been putting your own care to the side and put his own happiness first again. You grip your hair frustratedly because of how you kill the conversation with 'I don't know' before leaving him alone.
Your head lowers down as you keep own blaming yourself for being too weak. Why didn't you tell him the real reason? Are you that afraid with him? Are you that afraid to tell him that he belongs to you and only you? Is it that scary to feel like he is your world and finally make him realize who he really loves?
You stare straight at your water bottle with sad eyes, "No, that's not hard to do." You feel like there's someone sitting with you. The smiling emoji being displayed as a replacement to be him. Your fingers try to reach out at it but you halted your movements. You feel like the wall of impossible has built up once again.
It'll be impossible for you to have him, "That's not hard to do but it's hard to see him run away from fear. Fear of being controlled and fear of being love. Fear for our friendship to crumble down." You lay your right cheek on top of your hand as your sadden eyes stares to your fingers. Slowly you lay them on the cold table and sigh heavily.
"Just like how I'm afraid, I'll lose myself to him too. Just like my father lost himself in his one side love." You laugh at the irony reality. A daughter who's afraid with love because of the showered love her father had showered on her family.
"Love is powerful and it could be a suicide choice for some of us." You sit up straight again with more power in your voice, with more anger in your eyes as you stare at the bottle. The handsome face quickly changes into her face. You're most hatred person in this whole wide world.
You smirk at her imaginary begging for your help face, "But I will not be one of them."
"Why?" You hear her mocking you, you see her lips move into a sicken smile. She dares ask you why? You feel like she's here in front of you. Wearing her luxury dress with the crown being sited beautifully on her head. Beautifully nauseate in your eyes.
You sit more confident while staring into her eyes, "Because I'm not weak like him. I will not let love take control of my lust." Like dust she disappears from your eyes.
Your grip your hands together, painfully you scratch your nails on your skin. Feeling more and more furious as you rewind her wicked smile. She has no mercy, she has no love, she has no care to the people around her. She is a witch. She doesn't deserve to be in this world.
Everyone in the library jumps when you slam your hands on the table and stand up. Roughly you breath in and out, trying to calm yourself but from far your brain paints her big smile on the walls. Everywhere has her smile. Everywhere you look, everytime you try to run away. There's her.
"You bitch." You curse and snatch your scissors but two warm hands wrapped around your shoulders. With gritted teeth you yell at him, "How dare you touch me? Who do you think you are? Who do you think you are to hug me?!" By now everyone stops their work and stare to your angry face and to the boy who's hiding his face under a black cap.
"Let. Me. Go." You deepen your voice, sounding like a threat. If he keeps on hugging you then you will file a sexual assault towards him. You don't care what his real intentions are, all you care is for his hands to get the fuck away from you.
The man tightens his grip around you, "I dare to touch you because I still love you." Your heart stops beating. Your mouth gaps open with shock. Your hands that's trying to pull his hand from you stops struggling instead they calmly lay on top him.
He notices you've become more calmer so he slowly pushes your shoulder from the hug. Slowly he turns you around to meet his eyes.
You couldn't breath nor could you think, all the memories in his eyes struck into your eyes with more love you could ever felt before. "Stop thinking about him again." Hoseok smiles at you before his eyes drops to your tight grip hand. "Stop thinking of hurting them again." You refuse to give him the sharp scissors. Hoseok sigh sadly when he sees your blood slowly drips out.
He looks up again, your eyes are not looking back at him. You can't look at him. You have no energy against him, you can't fight him like you fight everyone around you. He is unstoppable in your life just like jungkook is to you.
He's just as powerful as jungkook is to you.
Your lips quiver a lot, mostly because you're holding back the screams and anger inside but also it's because of this man in front of you. The man you've grown to miss. The man who you've loved before and you still feel an attraction with him.
You felt sick of having this feeling because it feels like you're playing jungkook's heart too. You don't want neither one of them to be hurt by your own selfish needs.
"Y/n." Hoseok soft voice calms you again. Hoseok reach out and hold your cheek softly. Slowly pushing them to let him see your eyes again. Your brown eyes, the deep brown eyes that could drown him in them again.
And he would love to be drown in them again. Your eyes soften under his warm gaze, with only one gaze he could calm you down. Just like old times again. Both of you stayed staring into each other even after hearing the metal scissor hit the floor.
"You've grown into a more beautiful woman. How did you take care of it?" Hoseok knows who you want to be with but it doesn't matter because his feelings will be openly show to you forever. You with dry lips you ask him, "How did I what?"
Hoseok pulls you hard towards him, making you fall on his chest with wide eyes you question his actions. "How did you take care of my heart while I was gone?"
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-To Be Continue-
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#I'm so sorry for not updating for three days . But this time i will be more responsible and update in those days I've promised you.
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𝐅𝐑𝐈𝐄𝐍𝐃𝐒𝐇𝐈𝐏- 𝐉𝐔𝐍𝐆𝐊𝐎𝐎𝐊 𝐅𝐅 √
Hayran Kurgu"You can never be his because he is mine. " "Why can't I love you? Why is our love forbidden?" "There are secrets about us that you don't know and I don't want you to know more."
